Reintroducing The Job By Surname System

I would be a morning person or maybe someone who attends funerals of unpopular people (for cash).

I would loan money to people who speak English.

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First the signatures thread and now this? You’re a mother’s maiden name thread away from the full fraud house.


Last time I started one of those it got deleted by the mods

Closest one I’ve got is a person who wails or sings in grief for a dead person. I’m joining you in the funeral game ma0sm!

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Want my bank details too, mate?

Hopefully, I would just get paid for being (or at least pretending to be) Scottish.

My name means Wise Man.

Is there money to be made via wisdom?

Perhaps I’d be a counsellor. See who else’s life I can fuck up.

My surname means something badass in Arabic actually.

First he starts a signature thread, then he wants our surnames…

I tried to get Google translate to do “something badass” in Arabic to paste here as a reply, but translating it back into English came back as “nothing poking”.


I have no idea what mine means

Mine means “to protect or defend” … so clearly I would be a central defender for a Premiership football team.

that would be great if true!

FFS wormie, I’ve just arranged a three season deal with Channel 4! It’ll cost millions if we pull out now!

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or the Illuminati?

Mine’s double-barrelled so I’d be a farmer from a small town near Valladolid

Sounds OK tbh

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Apparently ‘the surname became a popular term for a literate man, particularly for the professional secretary and the scholar’
So I can read and be @Kallgeese and @kermitwormit’s secretary when they hit the big time.


Well up until now I thought my surname referred to the act of lopping the top off a tree but I’ve just googled it and apparently it was a nickname for someone with a large or unusually shaped head, the tree thing wasn’t recorded until much later.

That’s kind of put a bit of a crimp on my day, I’ve also got the start of a headache in my MASSIVE UNSIGHTLY BONCE!

Elvis impersonator.

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