Has anyone ever just packed up and moved to completely new city without knowing anyone? Does anyone have any advice? I’ve been feeling like I’d like a fresh start in a new place, all my friends are married with kids and I don’t get to see them anymore and I don’t feel much connection to the place I live.
It’s immediately not the same as your question because I moved to be with my partner (yuck), but I moved from London where I knew loads of people to Leeds where I knew very few about 18 months ago. I can definitely relate to the fresh start in a new place angle, even though I was still enjoying London it’s been really refreshing to be somewhere new and discovering new favourite spots and stuff. That can definitely be a positive, especially if you’ve not got much of a connection with your current place.
I think the only thing I’d say is that making new friends in a new place is really hard, and probably harder than I thought it would be. I’m a pretty sociable and outgoing person generally, and made some pals through my work and one or two other places, but even after a relatively long time here I still don’t have loads of friends and it’s more individual friendships than a big group, which is fun but not quite the same. I guess for as long as coronavirus and the limitations on socialising that come with that are around it will be harder than usual too. But if you don’t see your friends much anymore anyway maybe that’s not such an issue?
Tbh, if you’re actively thinking about doing it as an option that appeals I think that’s probably quite a good sign!
My absolute dream job has just come up which i have applied for but it will mean uprooting my wife and 3 kids and moving somewhere where we wouldn’t kmow anyone (although i would also be an hour closer to the rest of my family). Not sure if i can bring myself to move the kids away from the village and friends though
hey @isa! there’s this thread
which has helpful advice and anecdotes.
I’ve done it many times and it’s either exhausting and awful or exhausting and wonderful
done it four or five times. you should expect it to take a bit of time before you have a good group of friends and other social connections. unless you’re really lucky, you will probably be a bit isolated for a while, while the slow process of accumulating genuine connections takes place.
in basically wiping the slate clean, you shake yourself out of any old patterns and a whole new thing creates itself in its place. from what i can see for most people, especially if they’re past their 20s, staying in the same city tends to mean more of the same, whereas a new place pushes people to go in new directions.
that’s what i reckon anyway. always just gone for it myself, out of a sense of adventure and work opportunities. bit lonely sometimes but it works out.
Morning Isa! I have (but admittedly a while ago now) packed up and moved to London without knowing anyone. It was pretty daunting and really exciting at the same time. If you’re open to it, I reckon living in a house share at least in the short term when you arrive is a really good way to build up a social circle of sorts (they might not be your best mates, but sometimes it’s just nice to have the option to go for an impromptu pint with someone), and also they might be able to give you the lay of the land when it comes to other social activities and places to meet people too.
Other than that, I’d say if you see an event in the area that you like the sound of, just go to along even if you’re on your own - it can be nervewracking making conversation with people, but if you all have a mutual set of interests to begin with then that makes things a little easier. Good luck!
Moved to Edinburgh for university after nearly ten years in London. Really great decision because I was sick of London and of my job, but I can’t stress how important having that structure to plug into was.
I moved to Newcastle last year (left now, temporarily?? Not sure) because my partner was in Edinburgh and it was the closest I could move my job. Absolutely fine, but only never really made any friends there because (i) I’m not good at that and (ii) it just seems really hard as an adult? If I hadn’t been away most weekends it would’ve been absolutely awful.
(Also I got basically forgotten by most of the people I knew in London after I first moved away, to the extent that when I moved back a few years ago for work I heard basically nothing from them in the 2yrs I was there. It really did a number on me in a lot of ways. Although it may just have been specific to me, maybe we were never that close? Who knows)
Uh I think my mixed experience is this - it can be done but it is difficult. It’s easier if there’s something specific already there you can plug yourself into.
That being said even when mine were a bit rubbish I liked seeing new places.
I moved in 2011. I have my boyfriend, who I met after moving, and there are people I know from work who I’m friendly with, but I haven’t made any friends of my own who I spend time with outside of work. Less shy people may have a different experience. Personally if I was in your situation I’d stay put and try to maintain the friendships I had got as best I could, but if you find it easier to make friends then that may not be the right thing for you.