Ridiculous/funny family stories


Realised I post a lot of anecdotes about my dad all the time and want to hear YOUR funny stories!
My uncle (who is known as druncle) was in charge of making the gravy for a Sunday roast, but they’d run out so had to get more. The shop was only a few hundred meters away but he somehow went missing and didn’t reappear until the Tuesday, jar of bisto in hand. To this day no one knows where he went.
Your turn! :slight_smile:
(Sending a big hug to any dissers who have difficult relationships with their families- hope this isn’t insensitive to you)


My sisters dad who is one of the most viciously funny people on the planet and relentlessly rips into anyone for anything has got the same lottery numbers every draw since it’s inception. Missed two - once when he was ran over, and once when he was told he had cancer and had to stay in hospital. That time his numbers came up for 17mio

Took it like an absolute champ too


my grandma once asked for 20 golden delicious at the newsagent (meant to ask for 20 silk cut)

my dad once asked for his vegetables to be cooked ‘medium-rare’ in a fancy restaurant we were at. he looked really dignified when he did it

more, probably.


My brother took my grandma to a relatively nice place (only a pub but it was pretty fancy) and when she didn’t like the menu she asked for a toastie - they werent prepared to make one


My dad’s friend bet him 20 quid he couldn’t run from one set of sea wall stairs to the next in the time between waves hitting. We stood on the sea wall as he sprinted off, realised he wasn’t going to make it, went to turn back, got hit by a wave, decided he was closer to the other stairs so started again, hit by another wave, went to turn back, hit by a wave etc. For about 10 hits. Finally got back to the sea wall and remembered he didn’t have a towel or a change of clothes and his wallet was in his trouser pocket


Oh no :(!
He sounds like an amazing guy though!


my grandad once got into a fist fight with Mick McManus’s son outside a petrol station in guildford in the early 80s. according to my dad who was visiting from Spain at the time, and sat horrified in the car, McManus asked my grandad if he knew who he was, upon which my grandma shouts out the window ‘yeah you’re a fucking bastard just like your father’.

my family in legit kayfabe.


We were asked to leave a furniture shop after he saw a stock picture of a Persian cat he thought was particularly hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing at it.


Always remember the time he accidentally got a bag of weed out and absent mindedly put it in a Spar assistant’s hand instead of money and just calmly went “oh no that’s for me” and took it back


Phoned my uncle from the house phone, he was an early adopter of call ID so assuming it was my dad answered with ‘alright cuntchops what the fuck do you want?’
7 years old I was



probably my dad’s face at the time.






These are all so good, chuckling away to myself reading them.
Remembered another about my dad- was about 6/7 when he and druncle took me on holiday to Ibiza of all places (very child friendly place, that) and he’d let me pick the restaurant we went to. So we went, was all fine so we thought. He’d also been having a holiday romance (the absolute tart) and the next night was going on a date with her. He gets there, little khaki shorts on, and goes up to the bar to order her a drink then he, and I quote, “spectacularly sharted” and to this day he still blames me for picking a dodgy restaurant and ruining his chances with a blonde from Swindon


Haha you posted that before and it’s one of the funniest stories I’ve read on here! What a guy




He’s a bloody liability sometimes. There’s a roundabout near our house he calls home roundabout for obvious reasons, but he’ll drive around it until whoever he’s with complains. I’ve been on it easily twenty minutes testing him before.


During my dad’s funeral we had what felt like hundreds of people in and out of our house, and our cat who hated people was pissed off at the whole thing. One day he crept into the living room only for my uncle to grab him and go"WHY DOES THIS CAT HAVE THREE LEGS". Needless to say, the cat didn’t take it well, and it became a family joke that the only things that scared him were balloons and our uncle


We found out my cat doesn’t like glitter when my brother wanted to be first to put his Christmas presents under the tree, maybe 15th of December. Got them all down, cat immediately wandered over, backed up to them and sprayed piss all over everything