Rolling thread for improving your writing


#1

When I’m writing things there’s often times I can’t think of the word or phrase I’m after even though it’s on the tip of my tongue. Or there’s a sentence that doesn’t sound right and I need someone who’s better at writing to suggest an alternative way of wording it. So this is a thread for that. We all help each other with our writing. What a fantastic idea.

Anyway yeah I’ve got one to start with:

Would you say: 'like the something in which it resides" or “like the something it resides” ?


#2

5 minutes!? This is supposed to be an immediate service!! You have got a fucking cheek


#3

to allow for maximum success of the note technique, how should one approach one’s prose?


#4

You want the first one, assuming you’re talking abut a thing within a thing. Resides = is resident, has a home in - i.e. MC Ren’s foot resides in your ass.

(Not yours specifically)


#5

1st one


#6

Much snappier


#7

I had the first one originally but started wondering if ‘in which’ was unnecessary. Cheers.


#8

How about: like the something it resides within


#9

This too is elegant


#10

I wrote a little short story, this is the opening paragraph

Kenneth and Edith were not the surf shops usual customers. The usual customers tended to be in their teens or twenties, lithe and athletic. Often tanned. Kenneth and Edith were not lithe and athletic, nor were they tanned. They wore dowdy clothing and had bulbous figures. Kenneth looked confused as he led his wife into the melee of surf wear. Edith gazed at the array of swimming shorts, bathing suits, wetsuits, kayaks and surfboards. The sea was not for her.

warp it DiS


#11

Kenneth and Edith were not the surf shop’s usual customers. The usual customers tended to be in their teens or twenties, lithe and athletic. Often tanned. Kenneth and Edith were not lithe and athletic, nor were they tanned. They wore dowdy clothing and had bulbous figures. Kenneth looked confused as he led his wife into the melee of surf wear. Edith gazed at the array of swimming shorts, bathing suits, wetsuits, kayaks and surfboards. The sea was not for her.


#12

I had a feeling that was wrong but was too lazy to check it

thanks barleysugar


#13

Colin and Edith were not radio’s usual presenters. The usual presenters tended to be in their forties or fifties, like Tony Blackburn. Often tanned, and rattling jewellery. Colin and Edith were neither tanned, rattling jewellery nor Tony Blackburn. Colin supported Liverpool FC. Edith won Fame Academy in March, 1984. They wore dowdy clothing and had bulbous figures. Chegwin looked confused as he led his wife into the melee of rattling jewellery. Bobby! Oh, Bobby! The cartilage of Bobby’s nose squashed against the carpeted studio floor. “I’ve tanned my nose.” “Tonight Matthew I’m going to be Tony Blackburn.” “Now then now then.”