Continuing the discussion from How's your depression?:
Update, I have been given an ultimatum of some rules and things I’d need to stick to if I went back. None of it is impossible or ridiculous and a lot of it to do with my own self improvement, which needs to happen either way, it’s just whether I can do it in a high pressure situation in another country and potentially with a flat move coming, but at least with more structure to my day
Dont know you personally but all your posts both pre and post move seem to be crying out for someone to tell you that moving to Germany is/was a bad idea and you should stay in Scotland. Is that what you want to hear?
Just gonna say that you’re a top, top bloke @Severed799
Thing is I can’t even stay in Scotland, I’ve got no money and don’t live here anymore, I’d have to go to my parents in Norwich.
Also I probably should have stressed, Berlin is awesome and I have opportunities there (plus fuck Brexit) and my partner has been amazing (if anything too good) to me, wherever I end up, I need help and a better routine
A friend always recommends doing the following when faced with indecision: toss a coin, if you don’t like the results, you know what to do.
For myself, I tend to find that the prospect of having one of the choices shut off is what makes my mind up. Do you feel like that at all, if not then that might suggest what you should do.
How much do you think staying over here will genuinely help with your MH? I think you need to make sure you’re being entirely honest with yourself over that issue before coming to any decision because it could easily just be an avoidance excuse which ends up with you losing what sounds like some fantastic opportunities over there and potentially your relationship.
If you really think some time over here will help though it’s a no-brainer, you need to look after yourself ultimately, just make sure that if you do go down that route, that you’re doing it for the right reason I guess?
As every with anything I post here, a disclaimer that I’m just some idiot on a website, there are people far better equipped to discuss this sort of thing with.
I guess this is slightly different though, because the most important thing is “what’s going to be best for my own self-worth/being/health?” Rather than a straight up, “what would I prefer?”
What about moving back to your parents for a couple of months (Norwich??), while you sort yourself out? Is that possible. That’s what I’d do I I needed to.
I hope you sort everything out, but don’t do it alone. Go back to your family if you can. Or if you can’t try not to hide how you feel from your close friends.
You do seem a really nice guy, although we’ve never met, but you are one of the best DiSers. Perhaps as we’ve got a lot of shared interests (supporting crap football teams, beer and music). If you want to chat message me, or if you want add me on Facebook, do that. Message me for that too, I’m not sharing that with everyone.
By the way Palace are playing Ipswich tonight, I hope we stuff them.
First, I agree with 29 that you’re a top bloke.
Second, I’d say that, wherever you choose to end up, you’ll be there. Your surroundings obvious play a huge role in your material situation - the support network you have, the things you can do etc etc - but you can’t escape yourself. You know this anyway.
It sounds like things are beginning to come together in Germany, with positive stuff to look forward to. I’d want to focus on those things, but I know how hard it is with everything else going on. But coming home will always be possible. How long will the opportunities in Germany be there?
I guess I’d just try and think long term if possible. Even vaguely, what do you want to have done in ten years time? Which option will help you achieve that?
To your last point, yes but clearly this helps or I wouldn’t have asked, plus as I’m between places right now it’s not easy to find “professional” help atm, but I will.
I think being in UK and under supervision of parents could help me focus on myself and effectively starting again, it’s a less stressful situation in some ways, I just feel I’ll be giving up what I’ve been building towards all this time (but maybe it’s not the right time). I’m afraid of feeling like a failure but then I’m afraid of lots of things right now.
I can get help and routine if I go back to Berlin when scheduled, it’s just harder while there’s a lot else going on in a new city, country where I’m still learning he language etc
I think you need to do one of two things:
- admit it’s not for you and return home
- stay and make a pledge to commit 100% to making things work for say 6 months then reassess things. If you’re continually doubting your decision it will be impossible to settle.
Only you will know which one is right for you.
I guess 2 questions come to mind for me:
Do you think what you are giving up would go away completely if you gave it up now? Or would it just be a case of e.g. deferring the masters and the internship?
Do you think if you stayed and did the masters/internship when you’re head’s perhaps not in the right place then they might suffer and you might end up feeling worse? I don’t mean that really to be a leading question, but an MA and potentially an internship too are pretty stressful things and I think if you did stay you’d have to be sure that you could take it. Does that make sense?
Yeah sorry Norwich is the other option, I’ve not formatted this well. Thanks for the kind words
How much of the struggles over there can you put down to, for want of a better term, “teething issues” though do you think? You’ve got to try and focus on the temporary nature of those sorts of things because it sounds like there is amazing opportunities over there which will be way more positive for you in the long-term than “resetting”
Also meant to echo what everyone else has said that you are a really top man and I am sure that whatever way you choose will work out for you
Yeah for sure some, also some bad habits I’ve brought over from the U.K and need to stop. I agree there’s definitely more going for me there it’s just whether I can hack it, really
Sorry I thought it would come over with op
I think that’s pretty telling really, it sounds like your gut wants you to make a go of it over there and that staying here would be more as a result of fears than as a result of the potential benefits? Do you think that’s fair to say?
I can only really speak of my experiences but I always started to come out a depressive phase when I was actively doing something to change my situation (anti-depressants were a godsend here). Is there a chance that if you do move back to your parents you’ll just feel like you’re stagnating a bit?