I quite liked it. Preferred it to that last Christmas one, though the same sort of thing happened that I'll detail in the below play despite the fact that I have word docs open I should be working on but hashtag yolo
ROSCOE and MARLON are watching the BBC programme 'Sherlock Holmes the Detective'
MARLON: It's great when the BBC show 'Sherlock Holmes the Detective'
ROSCOE: Yes let us watch
The famous titles for 'Sherlock Holmes the Detective' come on after a previously on showed loads of stuff you'd forgot about because the serieses are about two episodes long and are on every eight decades or something. The famous actor who plays the eponymous Sherlock Holmes the Detective, Peter Capaldi, comes on the screen and talks to MARK GATISS for a bit
MARK GATISS: Hello Sherlock Holmes the Detective. There seems to be a mystery for you to solve
PETER CAPALDI: (eccentrically) I love solving mysteries. Let's have it then.
MARK GATISS: I wrote it down on some paper, let me try and find it
While MARK GATISS is looking for the mystery, PETER CAPALDI does a series of eccentric British things that Americans can make into gifs for their blogs of just Sherlock Holmes the Detective gifs which somehow they are able to monetise so that they have the free time to put comments on things saying "actually there are people who have gotten rich by being shit and annoying on the Internet actually". One of the eccentric things he does is dry hump a kettle while singing Rule Britannia in a dandyish way.
MARK GATISS: Oh I've found it now
PETER CAPALDI: Good. I'll be off to solve it then after I've bought a tweed coat, I'm really into tweed now
MARK GATISS: What an eccentric thing to say
PETER CAPALDI is now solving the mystery at a country house with his assistant JAMES CORDEN who keeps looking down the barrel of the camera and smiling at the viewer for some reason. The director has given up telling him not to, and doesn't even mind much if he gets the sack anymore.
PETER CAPALDI: I've concluded that the murderer was none other than you because look at the... (blah blah blah)... and so because that one hair on your fringe is a different angle it tells me that you had to wash blood out between 15:43 and 15:49 today, exactly the time our murderer would have showered!
MURDERER: Gah! You figured it out from these minute details!?!?!
PETER CAPALDI: No I saw you do it literally just now, we are just being really knowing and funny again about my deductive skills
JAMES CORDEN: (breaking the fourth wall) OOH POSTMODERN! POSTMODERN! (actually breaking the camera) POSTMODERN (as he throws it from the tripod at the wall) EH???
MARLON: That was great detective work from Sherlock. I like these episodes when he solves a mystery
ROSCOE: Yes and me, I assume the rest of it will involve an interesting and thrilling mystery of the sort that the character of Sherlock Holmes the Detective is known for
PETER CAPALDI: But wait a minute! The shards of the camera James Corden smashed... if you put them together it says Moriarty!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
MURDERER: Ah so you figured out my secret that I am Moriarty
PETER CAPALDI: Moriarty!? I bet the audience weren't expecting you to happen again!?!
MURDERER: Ha ha ha I am always one step ahead, just when you think. He surprisingly crops up literally every fucking episode, they can't involve him again. They just did ahahahahahaha
MORIARTY runs off
PETER CAPALDI: How will we get him
They run outside into the street, and bump into an old lady
OLD LADY: Ah so you figured out the code and bumped into me, which is secret code for me to be activated as a secret agent which is what I am. Come on, hop into my invisible experimental aircraft
They are in the aircraft
OLD LADY: I also have access to nuclear weapons
PETER CAPALDI: Good let's use them
They nuke London
JAMES CORDEN: MORIARTY MUST BE DEAD NOW, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANED LOADS OF NUKES ON HIM
PETER CAPALDI: Or is he?????????????