Shit Neighbours

Neighbours who do crap things and defy any notions of decency and/or common sense.

Currently live next to a pair of grade A pissgoblins that have arguements which last over 5 hours long. They do this in their living room which backs onto our living room, and the walls are really thin.

Half the time they follow up a row with XTREMely loud shag-of-the-year marathons (also in their living room!). I left our flat once and they had their front door wide fucking open for some reason, and I could hear the sounds of her getting boned echoing around me as I ran down the stairwell.

Then they go quiet for a few weeks, but inevetibly start back up again. It’s never so bad we feel the need to tell our landlords and we’re not able to just knock on the door and say “please no rowing no shagging”. Meaning we’re trapped in this wax on wax off existence of a repeating neighbour angry sex ouroborous.

Granted, listening to the arguements was initially fun - See evidence A:

Please either post someway for me to fix this, or post stories about your shit neighbours, be they current or historical. Maybe we can even start some Strangers On A Train bullshit and make eachother’s lives a little easier.



Can I see it?


Have you tried some kind of meta faux argument with your housemate (if you have one) about the neighbours arguing, see if they get the message?

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Whenever you leave the house leave some hardcore pornography playing at full volume in your front room

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How do we know you’re listening to the argument and not perving on them having sex in the photo?


My old neighbour Dean (who lived with his brother also called Dean) was a violent, paranoid drug dealer who accused me of stealing his terrapin

When the situation diffused he tried to apologise by offering me a bag of Nintendo pills

His parents named both their sons Dean???


:grinning: yeah wtf?

I’m not sure if you’re aware, or if the boards are aware, but my neighbour built a summerhouse that stares directly into my kitchen, so I installed high trellis at great expense to myself.
In case there is still any debate as to who is the bigger prick, this neighbour has numerous cars with personalised number plates


He was obviously lying through his teeth for some incomprehensible reason but I knew Dean One was legimitely called Dean because he had his name tattooed on his knuckles

Last spotted having had their door kicked down by the police. I hope they are well


Maybe they were the ‘Dean brothers’ - sound like the types who would try and convey some sort of faux gangster type image.

I love your post btw - so short yet raises so many questions - the terrapin situation ? wth are nintendo pills? Probably best just to leave it in your past though by the sounds of it.

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My neighbours like to set each other’s cars on fire. And dump mattresses outside our flats.

You’ve moved to Glasgow already?


There was a 6ft high wall between our small yards and he accused me of scaling it to steal said terrapin in the night (yes)

Nintendo pills being a certain ‘brand’ of ecstasy

It was a very strange situation and sometimes terrible


Had five different sets of upstairs neighbours at my old place who were mostly fine save for their shared love of the acoustic guitar and what seemed like the same indie hits 2006 songbook. The last lot sublet to a Chinese student who managed to flood the entire flat and, by association, ours but as she didn’t tunelessly belt out She’s So Lovely 3 times a night she was probably my favourite.


Noisy cunts next door. But it’s not loud music or arguments or anything you could raise with them and still seem like a reasonable human being - they just shout as their normal speaking volume. I don’t think either of them are hard of hearing, they’re just the kind of inconsiderate cunts who’ll have a whole conversation when one of them’s inside and the other’s at the bottom of the garden.

I know this seems petty but it’s fucking CONSTANT the entire time they’re home, from when they get up at 6 each morning. There’s a student house on the other side of us and we get far less noise from them.

Lol the worst thing my Glasgow neighbours do is not take their bins in on time.

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you appear to be living in a plot from a 1980s sitcom.


My neighbours upstairs have very loud sex once a week (she is very loud). To be honest though, it doesn’t sound real – she’s definitely trying to convince him she didn’t cheat on him with Scott (for example).

We find it very funny. Also, it’s only once a week. Come on guys.