Shit Neighbours

Mine was probably the dictionary definition of a first world problem…

The owner of the place next door is a posh guy who is rarely there as he works abroad. Brilliant. Never hear a peep. Then he knocks one day with his nephew who, he announces, is moving in while he has his house in Battersea renovated. Well, I say his house - he inherited it from his great uncle and it’s been empty for years so is in a “right state”.

His nephew is a concert pianist, and our hearts sink when we see him wheeling a piano into the house the next day. And that was it - practicing all day every day. Sounds nice on paper, but when he’s trying to nail the same few seconds over, and over, and over… Or getting opera singers in to practice with him on a Sunday night.

He also wore a REALLY obvious wig (which I take as a personal affront) and rode a tandem which he left in the street outside. Also had the gall to put a Vote Labour poster in the window during the elections. Labour, eh? OK, Mr Inherited Townhouse. The work took the best part of a year and when he finally moved out we played this really loud as he loaded his stuff into his van.

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once a week like cockwork?

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We’ve been so lucky with neighbours and I am very grateful. When I lived in Reading we were probably the problem neighbours (I’ve told the story about 4am Guy a lot here I think), but we also had a lady with her kid who lived a few doors down who would shout and scream at her constantly. She was also very fond of loud reggae and the odd spliff.

At the moment we have newborn babies in the flats next to and above us. Can hear vague crying quite a lot but it’s fine and doesn’t bother me at all.

You noticed we moved then…

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apologies to neighbours for the fact that while home on my own for this week, I’ve been overexcitedly doing really stupid voices commenting on doing the washing up

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one neighbour has accused me of eavesdropping her conversations with her mates across the courtyard (I have my window open in my room a lot). told her to fuck off and it stopped.

another threatened to call the police after one of us dropped a glass on the kitchen floor. shut the door in his face and haven’t seen him again since.

have very noisy neighbours upstairs and next door, but that’s what you get for living in an apartment block innit :man_shrugging:

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I reckon a lot of you need to lighten up.

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Easy for you to say when you’re the shit neighbour

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I’m a fantastic neighbour thanks very much

Okay then!

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(People in Rural Spain don’t really like foreigners)

One of my neighbours is a right fucking Bob Fleming. Insists on smoking a morning dooby right outside my bedroom window every day. Don’t mind the smell that much but it’s a bit depressing being woken up every morning by some fucker grebbing up greenies.

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Generally been really lucky but a long time ago now our downstairs neighbours were a nightmare just because horrible stuff was clearly going on and it was difficult to know what to do. They had a very young kid who was lovely but also a pre-teen who was clearly very ‘troubled’. The guy would shout a lot, it was clearly a bad situation. Eventually they separated, the guy stayed in the house and bought a sports car, saw the lady come round once with the kids and she was in an ancient ford fiesta and generally looking exhausted (she’d always been the sort of person who dresses immaculately).

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Home and away

This is strangely hypnotic

Current neighbours listen to some fucking awful european dance music at all hours and we never see them to complain. Not gonna write a note.

New neighbours seemed alright but I caught one of them in full lycra about to head out on a bike ride and he started boring my face off about it. ffs.

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@skybet Please can i #RequestABet on my mate Lo-Pan impregnating his upstairs neighbour within six months?