#22

Confront him as he unloads his shopping

13 Likes
#23

Delicious though.

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#24

A good solicitor would be doing it anyway, ensuring that whatā€™s on the deeds to the property that youā€™re selling matches up with the reality.

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#25

Turn the other cheek, ignore it and be the bigger and better person.

Fuck that shit, liquid faeces over both his vehicles, his house and person.

#26

petrol bomb his house

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#27

That is absolute bullshit.
What you wanna do is talk to your other nice neighbours. You wanna reeeeally get on side, befriend them to the point where itā€™s more than just saying hi on the street terms. Get to the stage where youā€™re going over to theirs for coffees, having them over for dinners, that sort of thing.
Itā€™s also ideal that these neighbours have already had rows with the parking prick, because you havenā€™t been involved with that, I presume from your post that youā€™re neutral to everyone. Nice neighbours and parking prick already dislike each other and you havenā€™t had to do a damn thing, stunning bit of serendipity there.
Anywho, so you befriend these neighbours. And slowly, you get it into their head that what this guy is doing is bang out of order. Chances are they already think this, but you want to sprinkle it a bit more into their brains. Slowly, slowly. Let it stew. Let them think itā€™s them whoā€™s really angry at this. What will then happen is that because theyā€™ve already rowed with this guy, they wonā€™t be scared to do it again. In fact, theyā€™re probably looking for an excuse to call him out again. Theyā€™re gonna sort this for you.
NOW. At the same time as tensions are rising, you make sure to strike up the odd conversation with the parking prick. Say things about the animosity, arenā€™t the other neighbours unfriendly, etc. Again, you have to be veeeery subtle. But eventually, all the neighbours will think youā€™re the best neighbour. Everyone will love you, theyā€™ll be like little pawns for you to play with as you wish.
Now, if you really want to fuck with this parking guy you need to go all Pavlovian on him. Make him associate parking there with something awful. I personally would bake some cookies with chocolate laxatives, and time when I get home to be at the same time as this guy. And Iā€™d say ā€œhey man, the old ball and chain made too many cookies! You want one?ā€ by this point he trusts you so he says sure. A short while later he will be shitting his brains out and have no idea why, but no one suspects cookies, heā€™ll be thinking he had a dodgy bit of chicken or something. Now, make it a running joke that your partner has started making extra cookies for this guy, and hey, by now youā€™re best friends, he comes over for beers and catchups, heā€™s become part of the family, heā€™s gonna take those cookies. So give him one every time he parks there.

11 Likes
#28

Make him read this post

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#29

I often think of this when it comes to parking disputes

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#30

Iā€™ve got a slightly related issue, cos Iā€™ve got a parking space that for the last five years Iā€™ve let the pensioner upstairs use because I didnā€™t drive, but Iā€™m planning on getting a car soon. So now I have to tell her to park her fucking motor elsewhere, and Iā€™ll feel bad about it. I suppose I could park elsewhere, but if I let her have this victory then who knows where it leads?

#31

Weā€™re hoping to be out by November but i will definitely be doing this with my new neighbours. I was really looking for something more instantaneous and less fully Machiavellian but a strong contender for plan B.

1 Like
#32

give him a lovely kiss

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#33

The planā€™s going to fall by the wayside at this point as all the neighbours become swingers

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#34

I feel like that could enhance the plan

#35

you could join a campaign for improved public transport in your local area so everyone doesnā€™t have to think and talk about parking all the time

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#36

Can imagine a disgusting amount of ā€œparking spaceā€ innuendo happening

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#37

live well

#38

Worst revenge. Barely even counts.

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#39

ā€œThe milk truck eased into my spaceā€ - My Rival, Steely Dan

#40

people care so much about parking donā€™t they. where Iā€™m from in Barnet the local authority basically privatised everything and stripped back services waaay further than austerity demanded and virtually no-one did anything about it until they fucked with the parking and then all hell broke loose.

imagine trying to explain to a mill worker in industrial Lancashire in the 1840s that in the future, democratic rights would be wielded with no greater zeal than when fighting for adequate on-street parking.

4 Likes
#41

Iā€™m not belittling the OP, just weird and depressing fact of our society isnā€™t it