Shortest stints at jobs

Did six hours at tufnell’s, got called a cunt and didnt go back. Only got paid for 4 of the 6 hours I worked.

Signed up to an agency, aced their tests then basically got told i was too much of a grebo.

This kind of thing. Y tho

One day at a couple agency places. Was enough work going and enough agencies when I was 16/17 that you could get a different job the next day (or that night if you were an idiot like me)

25 minutes putting together tumble driers
12 hours order picking at morrisons warehouse

Did 3 hours of training for the uni call center. Realised that the guy running it was a massive prick and it wasn’t worth disrupting my life for shit wages.

40 minutes strawberry picking. Was too slow. Paid 50p and asked to leave.


25 mins is impressive


worked a day in Nailsea in a factory that put cleaning detergents into boxes and bottles. Spent the whole day breathing in soap dust while pressing a button to put liquid soap into bottles. if I accidentally pressed the button twice, it spilt soap everywhere and soap is ironically tricky to clean up. didn’t go back the next day

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Worked in a double-glazing selling hellzone for about 4 hours to get some ‘experience’ in selling: the energy-saving lightbulb guy who’d offered me another job insisted on it.

Once he was satisfied with this, the lightbulb job involved sitting in an office in his big country house, listening to leonard cohen and watching the cricket. He was never around. His wife would occasionally bring me cake. Oh yeah, sometimes I’d have to phone up a pub and try to sell them lightbulbs or phone some dude in Bristol who had accidentally smashed some lightbulbs on the docks or whatever.

I think I sold about 50 lightbulbs over the course of the summer.

Best goddamn job I ever had.


what was the question again?


I worked as a temp for years, so I’ve had jobs that were less than four hours.

how many did you get done?

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worked for 10 minutes in an RBS in Bristol, before they decided none of the 10+ people the agency had sent were capable of answering phones as we’d never answered a phone before and they fired us with a day’s pay.

about 2 hours later, I was wondering around Downend doing 1 day’s postpersoning


One Christmas holiday from university I was mega skint, and in my desperation got a job plucking turkeys. I lasted about 20 minutes. I’m now vegetarian.


Did a shift at spoons in 2008 and never came back.

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Worked for 1 day in a car parts factory in Avonmouth. Had a 20 second process of fitting a couple of fiddly little bits together. I was sick the next day.

I did a week in a warehouse testing fluorescent strip lights, just after I moved to London. You had to use this handheld sparkler thing, the smell was awful.

It was week to week, through an agency (who were probably getting paid almost as much as I was), the money was terrible, the hours were unsocial, the location was grim. Before I moved I’d booked a holiday for the following week, so I declined any further shifts, told the agency to find me some office work, and went away for a week.



Although the worst thing was definitely telling people and them saying “I always knew you were a bright spark!”

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Turned up to a presentation for a job starting in Reigate years ago, realised in the presentation that it was basically pyramid selling. Left after about 45 minutes.

Worked 3 two hour shifts from 6-8am cleaning one floor of the Fujitsu office building in Bracknell. it started to rain on my way back home to Twyford having been dry for weeks and I skidded on a corned and crashed my car, so couldn’t go back. Totally worth totalling that poor little Punto.