Shortest stints at jobs

Walked out of an interview for a cold calling place

(it was freezing in there hahaha haha)

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Told this a million times before but that one day was because I didn’t have a job and my pal asked me if I could cover for him at his new job because he’d broken his foot at karate the night before. Said sure, he said great, I’ll call ahead to let them know.

He didn’t call ahead to let them know.

So after a very confusing start to the day, I helped setup the shop. Was me, two other lads, someone else who was there for the first time too, and the shop owner. The shop owner kept disappearing “to get milk”. After a few hours the two permanent staff left to go see Bon Jovi at Hampden (i.e. pre-drink) so I got promoted to till duty.

Nothing in the shop had a barcode on them, or a price. The shop sold electronic components, toys, car mats ex-display lawnmowers (why else would they have grass stains inside?), TVs, George Foreman grills, and everything else. I literally made up the price of everything.

About those lawnmowers: I answered the phone to an extremely angry man. My instructions were to never hand the phone to the owner, but she could hear the shouting from across the store so took the phone off me and said “what?! How dare you! This is outrageous! That’s absurd!” then hung up and immediately phoned the van driver and said “erm, you didn’t set off the alarms at the lawnmower place, did you?” I pretended not to hear that.

So it’s me, other new guy and owner. I’m on the till. New guy is out front to stop people stealing stuff. Owner is out the back to stop people stealing stuff. At some point the new guy got fed up and wandered off and never came back. Word got out and someone drove up the pedestrianised precinct, put the entire sunglasses rack in the back of the car, and drove off again.

When we closed up (just the two of us now) she gave me £40 for 12 hours work and offered me a full time job. She didn’t know my surname or phone number so I said yes, agreed to show up at 8 the next morning to open up the shop, then went and spent my £40 on Grolsch at a Burning Brides gig and never went back.

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Kind of after funny stories here, pal

2 hours at a call centre at Uni. Legit awful.

#lovelystuff

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Can’t actually believe you took a job answering phones! You don’t even like phoning your friends.

FOTL first draft something something

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I didn’t really know how to get a job, so just did what agencies said I should do.

Prologue: The owner came through my till at Tesco a year later but I don’t think she recognised me. I was shitting myself.

As soon as she was gone the security guy came bounding up to me and said “did she definitely pay for all of those things in the basket?” I said yeah. He said “damn it! We know she’s been shoplifting milk from us for years but we’ve never been able to catch her in the act.”

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I really dislike phoning people have spent about ten years working in various jobs that were either full blown call centres or required a lot of phone time. Weirdly has never bothered me.

3 days in a pub, I “wasn’t what they were looking for”

about an hour as a sandblaster. Very quickly realised I was not cut out for such a manly difficult tiring job.

Can’t compete with technology anyway.

Isn’t this an Epimerlogue?

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Did a 3 hour trial shift in a cafe, saw my mum’s best friend’s ex husband who had scewed her over quite badly. Scraped some old hardened milk off the steam wand into his coffee, and also turned down the job. Got paid $30 for the pleasure, you’re welcome Aunt Kelly

It is not. No personal logues were involved.

Never heard it called… etc

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Bono is such a demanding pub landlord.

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I probably shouldn’t have used the word “pleasure”

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First summer I was at uni I did a morning of telesales for a company who sold conservatory blinds. It was basically calling people from the phonebook and reading a script until they agreed to a face to face consultation. By lunchtime I hadn’t generated a lead and my supervisor (who was around 16) told me that “There are (racial slur) in (country) who can do this job for pennies so give me a reason to keep you here this afternoon.” I walked out.

Later that day I applied for a job in a cinema which turned out to be the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire working life.

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