Small things that TV and film lied to you about

The ease of meeting people at weddings. Weddings are always full of couples!! I have never been to a wedding where I couldn’t count the number of single, age appropriate people off of the fingers of one hand!! Fuming about it, tbh.

(Keep it light)

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All that ‘‘follow your dreams’’ stuff working out.

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Underdog always having the last laugh.

that phone conversations end without awkwardly saying goodbye several times in several different ways

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Sex scenes. When I was in my youth Hollywood particularly seemed to have a very different take on what doing sex was actually really like

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Romance existing, lol

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I’ve never had anyone turn their back on me during a conversation and stare out of the window while talking to me.

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Always wonder if you’d hear any of the conversation at all when they do this. I’d have to get right behind them and put my head on their shoulder. What u saying hun?

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Clubs in films: you get a table in a corner and have a conversation at reasonable volume while drinking cocktails.

Clubs in life: you stand…somewhere while holding your 2 for £2 VK Blues while yelling a conversation with someone standing six inches from you but you still can’t hear because of how loudly Get Busy is playing.

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The University Challenge contestants being on upper and lower tiers

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I didn’t find that with weddings when I was in my 20s.

Teachers just getting into the swing of the lesson when the bell rings

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That the likelihood of living in one of those American suburban neighbourhoods with huge verdant lawns, street trees and so on was ridiculously high (like where Ferris Bueller lives). That’s what TV and film encoded ‘neighbourhood’ to mean to me, which is obviously totally banana bread because I have never lived in America, but that shit still gives me weird painful nostalgia.

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Also never been to a kegger, or makeout creek, or prom, or the homecoming game.

Crock of shit

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The amount of fucking about doing nothing and spending money on being in coffee shops/bars every single night you can do as a working person.

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and shouting homework instructions when half the class is already out the door

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This but dinosaurs

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Not saying goodbye at the end of a phone call. Seems rude. Might try it tho

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Prom being an important night where the ongoing threads of your life will reach an emotional and thematic climax and you’ll remember it forever is a good one.

Just a shit buffet and jumping around awkwardly to Sex On Fire and then back to your mate’s house to get silly on three bottles of Smirnoff ice and troll people on Chat roulette in my experience.

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