Sociability

I am terrible at being social because I never know what to say. I have to ask my bf for conversation starters and questions I can ask :woman_facepalming:

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:laughing: you think so but he’s very good at that and supportive! He’s the kind of person you’ll leave alone for 2 mins in a bar and come back to find he has 3 new mates whilst I’m going ffs I don’t wanna talk to anyone today

Sean, stop it.

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If I don’t know anyone/only a couple of people, I get v shy and awkward unless people talk to me. Some situations I just can’t be fucked - a few weeks ago in a bar in Kiev these guys from our hostel were being sociable with my friend and I. I just absolutely could not be bothered to go through Textbook Conversation With Travel People Who I Will Never See Again.

If I know/like quite a lot of people then I’m a big ol’ social butterfly, queen bee, etc. This is generally great but does mean that you get hangers on that follow you around at gatherings (one guy in Countdown is awful for this; my friend and I have previously left the pub and walked around for an hour just to get away from him talking at/following us)

However I get easily drained by socialising and if I spend more than a few days having to socialise a lot then I get really quiet and withdrawn.

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I’m naturally quite shy and whilst there is a downside to that I have learned as I’ve gotten older to accept it and be comfortable with it. My introversion isn’t a characteristic or a flaw that can be ironed out, it’s actually the basis of who I am as a person. And I quite like who I am. To change that one thing would be to change my entire personality. Sensitivity, thoughtfulness, empathy and creativity are part of the package I think.

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I’m bad for this

Some people I will just make 0 effort with

I hadn’t recognised this in myself until I was at uni. There was this group of people my friends and I used to knock around with a bit. My friend told me one of them had said to him “Tim’s a bit quiet isn’t he?” He told me he’d agreed with them, but said to me “I know it’s cos you just can’t be arsed with them”
Basically if i feel like I’m going to share stuff in common or a sense of humour or whatever with someone then I can be super outgoing. But some people I just can’t get past “base level chit chat” and find it pretty unbearable.

I do struggle to make new friends with people these days though - I think shared hobbies/ groups (like book groups etc) are the key as the only way to make real friends is to clock up hours in their company. Also “people from work” (although I know socialising with workmates is an unbareable thought to some on here)

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19% battery and it’s not even 10:30 :grimacing:

Pretty bad, struggle a lot to make friends. Think moving abroad was good for me in that sense though, different social dynamics and the fact that english is most people’s second language means i have more time to think in a conversation and am less overwhelmed. Still struggle to be myself with nearly everyone and fall completely silent in group situations

I think this pretty much sums me up -

image

Massive oversharer at inappropriate times and tend to form deeply personal friendships over longer periods. Otherwise I’m pretty much a classic introvert, hate networking, hate meeting new people, hate seeing people I’m not totally comfortable with and having to make small talk. Live in fear of totally alienating people with overly dry sense of humour and overthink really stupid comments that others don’t remember at all.

Know I need to push myself outside of my comfort zone more - got in touch with an old friend I bumped in to at a gig about a month ago and felt awful when they didn’t get back straight away, convinced myself it was seen as creepy and was prepared to avoid any chance of seeing them for the rest of my life but a couple of days later she text me and we’ve been in touch since and met up a few times which had been really nice.

To;dr - awkward over share.

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This is accurate. I certainly wouldn’t have posted what I did yesterday without having had a few beers tbh. :confused:

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had a manager in an old job who’d constantly make reference to me being quiet. still after i’d gone out for drinks with teammates a lot and bonded plenty with them and chatted away to them throughout the day, he’d still refer to me being quiet. “it’s probably cos it’s currently 9am and i’ve had 4 hours sleep and i’ve got 8 hours of horrific call centre work ahead of me pal but alright.”

he was a nice enough guy and i’d make the point of being purposely chatty in one to one meetings but didn’t seem to change that perception. think if people perceive you as quiet early on then it’s weirdly difficult to shake that. noticed a similar thing with a girl in my team in my current job who used to be pretty quiet but is quite chatty now and still gets referred to as quiet a lot

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I really miss my friends since moving, and wish I had more up here. I’ve been going to some Meetups which have been really good, and I’m planning on joining a running club too. I always feel awkward and anxious about such things but always really enjoy the human interaction once I get going.

Deal

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I feel like death and all Mrs Z wants to do is discuss and plan changing our Kitchen Island up so it’s height adjustable. :tired_face:

“Ask if they’ve ever had impotigo.”

i also think i am too irony poisoned and depressed to form many meaningful connections with people. like i thought i had my hands around my MH issues but the last couple of weeks I’ve become aware that i was deluding myself and people around me or something. I think this makes me terrible but idk. also i find it difficult when I’ve had a drink and I’m feeling perky not to start enthusing about communism and making excuses for robespierre. Nobody wants to hear that on a friday night, I’m such a dickhead. But then i think well he did want to abolish slavery so who’s the real dickhead me or this slightly freaked out looking person im queing beside at the bar.

altho the mrs has helped train me out of these tendencies somewhat. Eg she buys me a bounty for each time i don’t share my theories about trump or whatever. i am rolling in bounty bars lately, I’ve done very well. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Had that GLC bit where they go ‘Shop mobility, shop, shop mobility’ in my head for ages now.

i suppose a lot of this stuff ties into MH. like around people i don’t know im cripplingly shy and tbh very distrustful. bad 2 years, like i say. i don’t want to be the life of the party but it’d be nice to hold a convo with a stranger without that reserve and cold suspicion of them being such a barrier. but also getting older has i think made me less tolerant of small talk and chit chat. gonna try harder with unknown people i think, there must be a nice compromise.

I always feel bad when someone amiably asks me how something was, and I’m rubbish at describing details so it always seems like I’m just being really aloof and vague. Nah, I’m just shite at recounting the precise details of what I’ve done

(that last sentence makes it sound like I go around murdering people or something)

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