Strangest lie you've heard at work?

A guy I work with said he’s never had food poisoning in his life. I even asked him to clarify and said “so you’ve never once had diarrhoea or vomiting or nausea caused by something you’ve eaten?” and he said no, never. He’s 37.

I’ve earmarked him as an absolute sociopath and I’m just going to keep my distance. What would you even gain from that sort of lie? At least say you’re good at karate or something.


Two lads who legged it from a mandatory drugs test after crashing a ride on lawnmower saying they had to get home urgently as one of their girlfriends was scared


We had a lad one year who claimed that Branislav Ivanovic was the best centre half in the world - He also pronounced Ivanovic “Ivarrnovich”

He vegetarian/vegan? Don’t think I’ve ever had anything not caused by dodgy meat/seafood


woah. never really considered this. i’ve never had a both-ends explosion from a tenderstem broccoli. this is life-changing thought process.


The worst food poisoning I’ve had has been from a sweaty cheese sandwich I left in a car overnight and was like oh cool a cheese sandwich. Violently ill for DAYS.


I’d definitely say that almost every bout of proper food poibsoning I’ve had has been from meat or fish.

Honestly find it bizarre that people eat fish at all given the far higher risk of being ill. Must be about a 25% chance of throwing up off seafood.

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A hot veggie curry with loads of chillies can definitely start the engines, it’s not food poisoning though


yeah dairy is absolutely an exception to the veggie rule there innit

Oysters though. Last time I was, yet again, violently ill, was from an oyster.

Will always eat oysters even though there’s a risk cause oysters.


‘‘I enjoy working here’’ or words to that effect.



you can’t get sick from rice surely

Once worked with a guy who claimed to have previously been a semi-pro footballer when asked to play 5-a-side. Our standard was low and he was by some margin the worst player there. Very odd lie.


Rice is the number one food poisoning cause!


! fuck

Lots of people claim that reheating rice will make you ill.

It’s fine though, if you reheat it properly, and only once.

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People don’t cool it down correctly and it breeds bacteria like wildfire.

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It’s not the reheating! It’s the cooling!!


Worst I’ve ever had was off a chicken burger from a takeaway place.

I’ll blur this as its a bit hanging…

Stomach cramps within an hour, bedridden within two. So much stuff came out of me that I blocked the toilet and was too ill to sort it out. Eventually I was just passing clear fluid out of my ass which smelt of rotten fish, into a bucket in the kitchen. Had to buy a new mattress.