Strangest lie you've heard at work?

This is now the food poisoning thread.


think my eyes just started stinging reading that


I don’t think I’ve ever had food poisoning myself, actually

vegetarian for most of my life


Yeah. If you leave it at room temperature for too long, the bacteria will grow. Keep it hot, or put it straight in the fridge and you’re fine though.

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i guess sushi rice avoids this coz it has vinegar to seal it?

Do you know what, I can’t remember ever having food poisoning to any series degree. Get the runs every now and again but don’t recall any major vomiting sessions

Unless alcohol poisoning counts

(Not a vegetarian, I eat all sorts of shit)


Wasn’t sure if I was misremembering this but just checked and no, he really did claim that

(The person in question is not actually called Nobby Burton)


Booked a cottage near Derby with some uni mates. Watched the Joshua - Klitschko fight, ordered a curry and got battered in the hot tub. Lovely stuff.

Decided to cycle home to shake the hangover, got to Baslow before the curry started repeating on me. Proper ghostly, leaking out of my arse, cycling 500m at a time because I couldn’t trust a fart. Cycling shorts went straight in the bin when I got home

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Salad can also give you nasty food poisoning

Nobby Burton’s the guy who David Brent buys his ties off in the Office, is that a coincidence or was he also a tie salesman?

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I’ve definitely been made ill from one of those big market salads you get where they chuck enough food on for a small army for £4 or whatever - so veg can definitely do a number on you if it’s just sitting around I guess.

Yeah, sushi rice should have a pH of about 4 or something, which kills off the microbes.

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Street salads?


heavy on the street

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That’s exactly where it comes from yes. We worked in a shop together (not ties) and he once really enthusiastically said “two for a tenner!!!” to a customer and it did us in.
He was just unexplainably a nobby, you know what I mean. Some people are just nobbier than others


It’s so bad when it happens. I used to suffer with lactose intolerance in my teens. Absolutely humiliating stuff. There can’t be a more demeaning feeling than when you realise you’re about to fill your trousers in public.

Once heard a defendant in court deny furiously that she had ever been to Wolverhampton in her life. When it was pointed out that her two sons, who were both co-defendants and were sitting next to her in the dock, had both been born in Wolverhampton, she still insisted on sticking to her story.


A lot of what people think of as food poisoning is just regular contagious sickness viruses, which might have been caught from poorly handled food, but equally could have been caught another way.

Like if you get ill after eating oysters or a questionable takeaway or a sandwich you left in a car, sure, it’s probably that. But sometimes people just blame the last thing they ate, which is often totally unrelated.


That these days if you said your name was Kevin you would be arrested and thrown in jail

Haven’t genuinely heard many but once worked with someone who claimed his Dutch grandma had a VIP pass to let him meet the entire Holland squad any time he requested.