Tales of a drunken night

Was just reminded of this email sent by a wife of someone who I used to work with after a night out:

9pm You phone me to tell me that you were getting the 9.30 train with XXXXX

9.30pm You phone to tell me that you’d missed the train and were going back to the pub. XXXXX stayed at the station.

10pm you phone me from the station saying that the 9.30pm and 10pm trains were delayed.

I told you to stay at the station because you had a chance to get 2 trains at some point even though they were delayed. 10-15mins later you leave the train station.

I think the next phone call was around 12.40 from the station, garbled, can’t get much out of you.

1.15am you phoned again, and started haggling with taxi drivers. The first guy quoted £45. And you were trying to find some-one who would bring you back for £35.

1.40am i think you phoned and told me you were in a taxi.

2am you were outside work.

2.15am you phoned and told me to come and pick you up cos you were stranded and there was no body around.

Your phone dies.

I arrived in Woking just before 3am. Checked both sides of the station, it was all locked up. Still can’t get hold of you on the phone. Walked upto your work but you weren’t around.

A guy called ‘Dave?’ was hanging around outside so i spoke to him. He said he’d been out with you and was also trying to get hold of a taxi to get himself home.

Whilst he was on the phone i decided to make my way back home again.

Just after 3am (as i was walking back towards the car) you phoned me to ‘let you in’ cos you were outside downstairs.

I got home again just after 3.30am.

Who is “you”.

can you give us the tldr of this tale lonzo

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Her husband. His name is Paul.

Why did she email addressed to “you” then?

Bloke gets smashed, wife eventually has to go get him walking and driving around a town late at night, he calls the final time asking to be let in the front door while she is doing this. Home is about a half hour drive away.


She sent it to him. Then he sent it to my wife. Then my wife sent it to me.

Why did he send it to your wife?

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Same here. I have an additional photo taken by someone else of that evening.


I think he (albeit ashamedly) thought it was a bit amusing.

If I’m indoors and 10pm has passed and you’re still not home from a night out, you’re on your own. Don’t call me.





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I can’t remember the last time I was out after 10 so you don’t have to worry.

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Oh good.

Make sure you shower before you get in bed. That picture shows up your sweat patches.

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thoroughly enjoyed this tale lonzy, paul sounds like quite the card


Nice to know that your real name is Paul, Lonzy.


WOAH. Fucking hell. My art deserves more respect than it gets sometimes.

Also nice to know he and @zxcvbnm2 we’re once good drinking buddies.

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