Talk me through your toothbrushing method

  1. Back bottom, side to side.
  2. Back bottom, top to bottom.
  3. Top bottom, side to side.
  4. Top bottom, top to bottom.
  5. Back top, side to side.
  6. Back top, top to bottom.
  7. Top top, side to side.
  8. Top top, top to bottom.
  9. Front top, side to side.
  10. Front bottom, side to side.
  11. Front clenched, top to bottom vertical brush.
  12. Front clenched, top to bottom horizontal brush.
  13. Front clenched, top to bottom horizontal circular brush.

No diagrams please.

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  1. Back top, side to side.

this is what I get at the barbers

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Are you my dentist?

Insert leccie brush, move it around until the beeper goes off to stop.


Does it touch your teeth during that time?

brush for ~2 minutes

How the hell would I know?

  1. Top right front
  2. Top right edge
  3. Top right rear
  4. Bottom right front
  5. Bottom right edge
  6. Bottom right rear
  7. Bottom left rear
  8. Bottom left edge
  9. Bottom left front
  10. Top left front
  11. Top left edge
  12. Top left rear

10 seconds per section, apart from twice-weekly “deep cleans”, which are 15 seconds per section.

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Lower right quadrant
Lower left quadrant
Upper right quadrant
Upper left quadrant

Noticed I do it in this order recently so have tried to mix it up cos presumably the lower right quadrant is getting the share of the paste.

I use an electronic toothbrush in the mornings and a regular one at night, don’t know why so please don’t ask.

I just go round and round and round in what is for me, a typically methodical style. What I’m saying is, that I’m fairly methodical and that I brush my teeth with a technique in keeping with that.

I’m calling bullshit

Just like a female Balonz.

You seem to have pressed post too soon. What are you calling bullshit now, moA?

start at lower right, glide across teeth to the left, pass over the molars, then sweep from left to right on the backs of the teeth.

then start up on the top right and repeat the process. mouthwash for a minute while I read the ingredients on a shampoo bottle, and spit.

You having teeth

AH! shit! You seem to have worked out the little lie I embedded in my story. What was it that gave me away?


Little Shop of Horrors - Dentist Song
YouTube app - 27 Sep 2006

Please use this to find what I was attempting to link.

Thank you

My fancy electric toothbrush that I bought on black friday came with a clock that goes on the bathroom wall which shows which quadrant of my teeth i should be on, and syncs with my toothbrush to vibrate every 30 seconds (or 45 seconds on DEEP CLEAN mode) when I’ve to switch quadrant.

It’s ludicrously over-engineered, and also a very real source of joy.