That Chatbot ChatGPT thing

Imagine if Bon Iver walked onstage to a sold out audience

It’s difficult for me to imagine a specific scenario like this since I am a large language model trained by OpenAI and do not have the ability to see or experience things like a live concert. I can tell you that Bon Iver is a popular indie folk band fronted by singer-songwriter Justin Vernon, and they have a devoted fan base. If Bon Iver were to walk on stage to a sold-out audience, it is likely that the crowd would erupt in cheers and excitement. The band’s unique blend of folk, rock, and electronic music, combined with Vernon’s emotive vocals, has earned them critical acclaim and a dedicated following.

the implications of this combined tech is mind-boggling/sort of scary, but I also know that if I had access to something like this I’d make all sorts of stupid shit.

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How do I write a witty question about cricket

Here are a few possible questions about cricket that could be considered witty:

Why did the cricket player get arrested? For stealing a base!
Why did the cricket team fire their coach? He kept stumping his players’ toes!
Why was the cricket match canceled? Because it was raining cats and bats!
How do you make a cricket player’s eyes light up? Shine a ball at them!
Why did the cricket player skip breakfast? Because he was afraid of being bowled over!
These questions all use puns or wordplay to make them amusing, which is a common technique in wit. You could also try coming up with your own questions using similar techniques.

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Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near

Birds do not suddenly appear every time someone is near. Birds are always present in the environment, but they may not always be visible or audible to humans. There are many factors that can influence the presence and behavior of birds, including the time of day, the season, the weather, and the availability of food and shelter.

The lyrics to which you are referring are from the song “The Bird Song” by the English band The Beautiful South. The song describes the feeling of being in love and the sense of joy and happiness that it brings. The lyrics suggest that birds only appear when someone is near and in love, which is a metaphor for the uplifting and energizing effect of love. Again, this is a figurative expression and is not meant to be taken literally.

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That’s Karen told.


what is the optimum number of bananas to possess?

There is no specific “optimum” number of bananas to possess, as this will depend on individual circumstances and preferences. Some factors to consider when determining the appropriate number of bananas to have on hand include the number of people in your household, how often you eat bananas, how quickly they ripen, and how you plan to use them.

If you are purchasing bananas for a household of two or three people, a bunch of five or six bananas may be a good starting point. This will provide enough bananas for a few meals or snacks and allow you to adjust the quantity as needed. You can always purchase more bananas if you find that you are running out, or if you have specific recipes that require a larger quantity.

It is also important to consider how quickly bananas ripen and how you plan to use them. If you prefer to eat bananas when they are still slightly green, you may want to purchase them a few days in advance to allow them to ripen at home. On the other hand, if you prefer to eat bananas when they are fully ripe, you may want to purchase them closer to the time when you plan to eat them.

Overall, the appropriate number of bananas to possess will depend on your personal circumstances and preferences. You may need to experiment and adjust the quantity over time to find the right balance for your needs.

I just asked it “could you write me a turgid bit of barely readable prose in the style of Catherine Bennett of the observer”

and it failed dismally. It was completely coherent.

Don’t like its vibes tbh, was hoping for more of a two-sided conversation. Comes across as really subservient and I don’t like telling it what to do


Write a scene from The Royle Family in which Jim Royle invites the whole street round to watch him eat a giant black pudding

It was a typical Sunday afternoon in the Royle household. Jim was lounging on the couch, a beer in hand, while Barbara was in the kitchen preparing the Sunday roast.

“Alright love?” Jim called out to his wife.

“Yeah, just getting the potatoes on,” Barbara replied.

Suddenly, Jim had an idea. “Hey, why don’t we invite the whole street round to watch me eat this giant black pudding I bought from the butcher’s?”

Barbara rolled her eyes. “Jim, we can’t just invite the whole street round without any notice.”

“Why not? They’re our neighbors, aren’t they?” Jim said, taking a swig of his beer. “Come on, it’ll be a laugh.”

“Fine,” Barbara relented. “But you’ll have to do the inviting.”

Jim grinned and jumped off the couch. He grabbed the black pudding and headed out the door, knocking on the doors of each of their neighbors and inviting them over to watch him eat the giant black pudding.

As the afternoon wore on, the living room started to fill up with their neighbors, all eager to see Jim tackle the monstrous black pudding. Jim sat at the center of the room, the black pudding on a plate in front of him.

“Alright everyone, let’s get started!” Jim declared, picking up a fork and knife.

The whole street watched in amazement as Jim slowly but surely made his way through the giant black pudding, finishing it off to wild applause from his neighbors.

“Well done, Jim!” Barbara said, shaking her head in disbelief.

Jim grinned, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “That was a bloody good black pudding, if I do say so myself.”


Gordon Ramsay was standing in front of a group of aspiring chefs, his arms crossed and a fierce look on his face. “Come on then, Gordon,” one of the chefs called out. “Are you going to show us or what?”

Gordon smirked. “You want to see the state of our kitchen?” he asked, gesturing to the chaos behind him. Pots and pans were piled high in the sink, and the counters were covered in spills and splatters.

The chefs nodded eagerly, their eyes shining with excitement. Gordon chuckled. “Very well,” he said. “But be warned - you’re in for a rough ride. This kitchen is a disaster.”

Gordon strode into the kitchen, his eyes scanning the mess. He picked up a dirty pan and held it out to the group. “Look at this,” he said, shaking his head in disgust. “It’s covered in dried food. How can anyone expect to cook in these conditions?”

The chefs hung on his every word, watching as he worked his magic. He moved quickly and confidently, cleaning and organizing the kitchen with ease.

“And there,” he said finally, stepping back to survey his handiwork. “That’s how a kitchen should look. Clean, organized, and ready for action.”

The chefs applauded, clearly impressed by Gordon’s skills. “Well done, Gordon,” one of them said. “You truly are a master chef.”

Gordon grinned. “Thank you,” he said. “But don’t thank me just yet. You still have to cook in this kitchen. And trust me, it’s not going to be easy.”

Write a Stone Cold Steve Austin promo about eating ass

Stone Cold Steve Austin is known for his no-nonsense attitude and his tough-as-nails demeanor. So when it comes to eating ass, he’s not one to hold back.

“You know what I’m sick and tired of?” Austin growls into the microphone. "All these pansy-ass wrestlers out there, too afraid to go for the gusto. But not me, no sir. I’m the Texas Rattlesnake, and I’ll eat ass all day long if I have to.

"That’s right, I’m not afraid to put my mouth where the sun don’t shine. I’ll take a big ol’ bite out of that juicy butt, and I’ll savor every last bite. And when I’m finished, I’ll be the one standing tall, with a smile on my face and a satisfied belch.


The camera pans across a lush green field, the sound of birds chirping in the background. The camera stops on Steve McLaren, standing confidently with his arms crossed.

“Hello, and welcome to Steve McLaren’s Football Academy,” Steve says in a thick Dutch accent. "At my academy, we believe in teaching the beautiful game the right way.

"Our expert coaches will help your child develop their skills and technique, while also instilling the values of hard work and sportsmanship.

"And best of all, we offer a fun and friendly environment where your child can make new friends and enjoy the game they love.

“So come on, join Steve McLaren’s Football Academy and let’s kick off the season with a bang. I’ll see you on the pitch!”

The camera pans out to show a group of smiling children running and kicking a ball on the field. The words “Steve McLaren’s Football Academy” appear on the screen, followed by the website and contact information.

Steve Bruce was known around the world as a successful football manager, known for his tough, no-nonsense approach to the game. But few people knew the dark secret that lay hidden behind his public persona.

For years, Steve Bruce had been involved in the assassination of JFK, using his power and influence to orchestrate the murder of the beloved president. He had been the mastermind behind the assassination, using his connections and his wealth to fund the ruthless killers who carried out his orders.

But no one knew the truth. No one knew that Steve Bruce was a monster, hiding behind a façade of success and respectability. And as the years passed, he continued to live his life in secret, enjoying the fruits of his evil deeds.

But eventually, the truth came to light. Steve Bruce was exposed as the mastermind behind the JFK assassination, and the world was horrified. He was arrested, tried, and sentenced to life in prison, where he would spend the rest of his days paying for the crimes he had committed.

And as he sat in his cell, staring at the walls that would be his home for the rest of his life, Steve Bruce knew that he had finally been brought to justice. The JFK assassination was over, but the memories of those who had been lost would never be forgotten. And Steve Bruce would be remembered as the monster that he was.

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They all end up really similar. Not really AI

The final round of Masterchef had come down to two contestants - a seasoned professional chef and a stay-at-home mom. The judges - John Torode, Gregg Wallace, and the guest judge - looked on with anticipation as the contestants presented their dishes.

The professional chef had prepared a complex and elaborate dish, using a variety of exotic ingredients and intricate cooking techniques. The stay-at-home mom, on the other hand, had simply made a bowl of cornflakes.

The judges were skeptical, to say the least. “Is this a joke?” John asked, staring at the bowl of cornflakes in disbelief.

But the stay-at-home mom just smiled. “Just taste it,” she said, handing a spoonful of cornflakes to John.

John hesitantly took a bite, and his eyes widened in surprise. The cornflakes were perfectly crispy and crunchy, and they were topped with a delicious combination of fruits and nuts.

The other judges tasted the cornflakes as well, and they were equally impressed. “This is amazing!” Gregg exclaimed.

In the end, the judges unanimously declared the stay-at-home mom the winner of Masterchef. The professional chef was gracious in defeat, congratulating the mom on her unexpected but well-deserved victory. And the mom was overjoyed, tears of joy streaming down her face as she accepted the trophy and the title of Masterchef.

Ah dammit, I should block this bot on my phone.

As the Jeopardy! round begins, Alex Trebek greets the contestants and introduces the categories. Everything seems normal at first, but then the lead contestant, who is in the middle of answering a question, suddenly stops and looks at Alex Trebek with a shocked expression. The other contestants turn to look as well, and they see that Alex Trebek has a second head growing out of the top of his original head. The second head looks exactly like the first one, and it is fully formed and functional. It blinks and looks around, as if it is just as surprised as the contestants are.

  • The lead contestant, who is still in shock, manages to stammer out an answer to the question, but Alex Trebek, with both heads, has trouble hearing it and asks the contestant to repeat themselves. The other contestants are also struggling to concentrate on the game, as they are transfixed by the sight of Alex Trebek’s second head. The second head begins to speak as well, asking the contestants questions in a slightly different voice than the original head.*

  • The lead contestant, who has regained their composure, answers the questions correctly and earns the points. But the other contestants are not far behind, and they are determined to win the game despite the strange situation. The round continues, with both of Alex Trebek’s heads asking questions and the contestants answering them as best as they can. In the end, the lead contestant emerges victorious, but they are still in disbelief over the fact that Alex Trebek has grown a second head.*

This thing is really boring, hey


This thing is shit. Sorry techbros.

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Seems like a couple of people need to read the literal first sentence in the original post…

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"As Bon Iver came on stage
The sold out audience roared in rage
They sang and they danced
In a wild, ecstatic trance
As Bon Iver’s music filled the space

His voice soared like a bird on the wing
As he sang of love, life, and everything
The crowd was enraptured
And they felt truly captured
By Bon Iver’s magical, musical being

The night was electric and alive
As Bon Iver’s music filled the hive
The audience cheered and clapped
And their hearts were truly strapped
To the rhythm of Bon Iver’s musical jive."

It’s definitely never heard Bon Iver

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