The Apprentice 2017


Business rule no.7 - ‘Focus on your end objective’.



Predictions for team names?

I’m going for Endowment for the boys, which they’ll decide in about three seconds of flurried chest puffing and then be immediately forced to change by Lordsuralun. The girls will struggle to agree on any words at all and will settle on whatever is blurted out last before they have to enter the boardroom. One will sheepishly whisper that they’re called something like Team Sassy before immediately disowning it and blaming the decision on someone else.


Who do we think is going to have the greatest gap between over-inflated job title and reality?

Occupation: Digital Product Consultant
Actual job: works in a phone shop

Occupation: Owner of an events company
Actual job: hires out a bouncy castle to kids parties.


Actual job: once told someone their app icon should be blue.


I love how un-self aware they always are. You’d think they would watch old episodes religiously and learn what not to do, but no. Same shit happens over and over again, I love it


This is exactly why I can’t watch it.

I’m no genius - far from it, in fact - but I am able to generally display a fair degree of common sense in the workplace. The lack of simple self-awareness or any degree of nous really riles me in a way that isn’t healthy.


anybody who stands any chance of being vaguely competent is weeded out pretty early on in the audition process. intelligent people making sensible business decisions doesn’t make particularly good tv.


Its just really entertaining, they’re always such amazingly awful people


Oh yeah, I know that - it’s the same as any ‘reality’ show these days isn’t it? There’s no point having well-adjusted and normal people, because - well, as you say, it’s not great TV is it? I just find the cringe too overwhelming and have to leave well alone, personally.


i was reading a great jon ronson piece about deal or no deal (it’s from a few years back but well, well worth a read) the other day and he talks a bit about how the living conditions on a lot of ‘reality’ shows are the same as the living conditions required for a situation to be officially classified as a cult.


My brother’s mate’s dad was on Deal or No Deal, had a whale of a time, spent a couple of weeks in a Bristol Travelodge getting pissed then won £25,000.


Yeah, the whole thing is pretty ludicrous if you try and apply it to real life. Any decent business has a no blame culture at its core, and so the view that someone must always be psychoanalysed and ripped apart for the perceived failings of one group relative to another and the idea that you’ll find a great businessman by giving the pile of dosh to the last person standing at the end of a three month orgy of mud slinging and deflecting is very silly.

As is the idea that being a good businessman is all about dressing like the wolf of wall street, and imagining yourself as the king of some imaginary jungle…and the elevation of ‘pitching’ to some kind of higher art form second only to classical poetry.

The whole show is framed in such a way that only massive wangs can gain entry to the process and so the cycle perpetuates I guess.


I’ve had a ludicrously bad couple of days at work, and have been in a pretty terrible mood as a result.

Seeing a contestant called Mr Burns say “When life throws you lemons, make and sell lemonade at a reasonable profit” has made everything seem ok again. Amazing.




one of my favourite simpsons moments, that


Looking forward to seeing a whole team of suited twats running around central London begging passers by to purchase tat they designed and made the day before. Then celebrating making a £200 profit (ignoring their time, transport and literally everything but the raw materials) and the other team making £20 less and being utterly castigated for it, all to be blamed on one hapless person who made a minor mathematical mistake during production.


Me too!


sure there’s a lot of valid opinions here but this year I’m getting all my appreciate info exclusively from alan’s twitter feed




Ok let’s get this going…