The Best Haircut You Ever Had



Tell me about the best haircut you ever had.

I recently had a “fashionable” cut where lots went from the back and front.

There was a lot on top, I think it’s because my forehead is bigger than it used to be.

Neither of us spoke of my forehead real estate, my descriptions of what I wanted were vague and untechnical.

I remember my best haircut. I took a photo of it. Unfortunately I was fatter than I am now, and fashions have changed, so it hasn’t faired well with time. But in my mind, knowing I felt when it was done (before/after happiness scale), it was the best. The best of all time.

Tell me about the time that happened to you. If it didn’t happen to you, you’re a mug.


getting my hair cut later so I’ll let you know then


My hair is quite shit (too thick, goes in odd directions) and looks the same regardless of who cuts it and how they cut it.


Come on, there must have been once, maybe because it was so bad before or so good after where you were like…

Most improved. Winner.


I have high hopes for you lopey.

Don’t let us down.


There used to be a place near my old flat where it would look about 15% better than normal in the immediate aftermath of the haircut because of how she’d styled it or whatever but it would go straight back to exactly the same as soon as it was washed so I can’t really consider the cut itself any better or worse than any other.


Did you get advice?

I get advice from this “fashionable” place. They tell me what to do, but I don’t do what they say. I struggle to tell them that I would like to look a little less fashionable than they would like me to be.


Nah, I like my haircuts to go down with minimal to zero talk if possible. I also don’t care nearly enough to actually take any advice that would be forthcoming (eg buy an expensive product and spend more time doing a thing)


You raise a good point. What advice is genuine and what is just to get you to buy some brillcream? tbf, you’d think you’d just wanna be as straight up as possible as hairdressers are surely most reliant on word of mouth and repeat business, but I always have that slight suspicion about the brands they push. I don’t know what to do.



just got my hair cut at some full wanker Ted Baker grooming room nonsense. Is it standard London fare to set fire to a bit of cotton wool on a stick and BOUNCE IT OFF YOUR FACE to get your ear hair? Because FUCKING HELL I was not prepared for that.

On the plus side I’ve just discovered that I have an astonishingly good poker face.


Isn’t that a Turkish thing?


Just because you’ve moved to Australia doesn’t mean you can suddenly be a massive racist, mate.


Yeah, the Turkish barbers I go to does this and I was similarly flabbergasted the first time.

(See also: unsolicited hot-towels)


Not once in my life have I left a barbers and thought ‘pleased with that’


Is it not something that’s traditionally from Turkey?

I’m a monster if so. I apologise.




Than that day is still to come for you.

I envy you. Mark it in the calendar when it happens.


My recent pre-wedding haircut was an absolute corker. Second time I’ve gone to a ‘posh’ salon, and it was absolutely spot on what I wanted. #disbesthaircut


How much was your description and how much was the in-salon expertise?


Yup, exactly this. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT YOU MAD TURKISH BASTARD I believe I said.