The guy who lives across the road from my parents has a flagpole in his garden

and apparently he raises the flag (saltire) when he’s in and lowers it when he goes out. I laughed for ages when I heard about this earlier. Hopefully he gets burgled soon.


Hope he brings out a portable CD player and plays the Scottish national anthem while raising it.


My first and only thought really is, who will lower it to half mast if he’s in the hospital or some such? Maybe he could fly it half-staff if he’s just feeling a bit down and doesn’t want visitors

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I don’t know if he does anything like that. Apparently he’s had a falling out with my parents because he thinks they wrote to the council about some toxic-looking smoke coming from his log-burning stove, but it wasn’t them (it was their now-deceased next-door neighbour).

I kind of like this. Good luck to him.

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Even better, he lowers the flag even if it’s just him going out and his wife is still in.


does he put up novelty flags for halloween etc?

Nah, I think it’s just an extreme patriotic thing rather than there being any sense of fun involved.

I’m imagining him now nipping out to the supermarket in the car and suddenly realising in a panic he’s forgotten to lower the flag. Screeching u-turn across the dual carriageway and belting it back to the house.


Rings Ken next door from a payphone.


Then suddenly realises he’s got no small change on him and has to ask passers by for some coins “Have you got 20p mate? It’s an emergency”.

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Ah, life’s rich tapestry
of twats

When I lived in Jersey there was a house that hoisted a different flag every day. They got in trouble with the cops once, because they flew a flag that meant the Queen was in residence and she wasn’t.

Not much crime in Jersey.



“May I see her, sir?”
“Her majesty. Your flag, sir.”
“Is her majesty the Queen at home, sir”
“Say that again, sir. I dare you. I double dare you, mother copulator.”

We’ve got a flag twat round the corner. Has always been the union flag… better that the St George’s Cross I suppose, until one day a tradesman came round and said that someone is flying a Leicester FC flag. I patiently explained that it was the union flag. Since that day it has always been Leicester. Flag twat!