The Hypothetical Fighting Tournaments Thread

Hello again, friends. In this thread I’m proposing that we organise some hypothetical fight tournaments and speculate on the outcome.

What I’d like from you guys to get us started off is a hypothetical knockout tournament of fights between all of your colleagues and then another separate one for your family members before a final between the winners of each tournament.

EG: Lee downstairs in the office vs my Mum’s cousin Terry would be the final of mine with Lee winning the whole thing.

This is definitely a good thread and should be treated as such.

sorry, I’m a hypothetical pacifist.

I wish you well with your thread though.

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Thank you. I’ve already lost interest in it frankly, this is gonna sink like a stone.

Helen Mirren vs. Judi Dench in a cage match

  • Hel’s Bells
  • Judge Judi

0 voters

Maybe there’s life in this thread after all!

@anon5266188 no way would Dame Judi be able to climb the cage quickly enough

You can also win a cage match by pinfall or submission mate, she’d get Mirren in a crippler crossface and that would be the end of it.

This thread feels like it would be best served with a trademark @eems poll of rounds of DiSers fighting.

Who do you think would win such a tournament (let’s say standard UFC rules) between all premier league footballers? Bony? Morgan?

Ibra maybe?

I bet Troy Deeney’s pretty handy in a scrap actually


Nah, it’d be a not-that-type-of-player just dealing ‘accidental’ knocks to the nuts. Herrera sniding his way to an unlikely victory.

Reckon Damien Delaney is one hell of a mat technician actually

My brother would probably win the Family Qualifying Group as he is a sturdy unit with a lot of pent-up rage and aggression. He’s a lovely guy but he’s got a bit of the Bruce Banner about him.

Not sure who who win at work. There are a number of them I’d enjoy seeing my brother decapitate, so I’ll nominate the woman who doesn’t understand the concept of an inside voice.

Incredible Sulk vs The Howler - Incredible Sulk wins by TKO and dismemberment.


he is a black belt tae kwon doist (that is the technical term, no need to look it up), so he stands a chance. can’t overlook the one punch ko power of big phil bardsley though

Huth would just hand Ibra his arse wouldn’t he

Zlatan would roundhouse is stupid fucking blockhead clean off his shoulders mate

*break his foot on his dense german skull

think bobby huth would have good power, but his lack of solid fundamentals would ultimately be his undoing