There's a duck in my garden

Please advise

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Early UB40 lyrics, etc.

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give it some sweetcorn

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I’m not sure getting the duck drunk will help the situation. Plus it’s too early in the day for red wine.

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Tell it to duck off.

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Sorry, autocorrect. *fuck off

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I tried giving him a corncob but he twitched his head at me. I don’t think he approves.

Kiss it

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He got a bit excited when I said duck but when I corrected myself he just went back to nosing around in the bushes

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He’s not even bought me dinner yet!

Dear Liza, Dear Liza

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Kiss the fucking duck! Enough excuses already!

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^Food for thought

What sort?

Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck: :duck:

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Give it some seeds

Ducks are good

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Status update: I had to nip out to the shop. I’m now back, duck is still there. Now somehow got himself onto a chair. I think I might have to concede the whole garden territory.

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I tore up a few bits of crust and tossed them over. It got him off the chair but now he looks even more settled. Not sure that really helped.

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I was very drunk last night

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