TheWza Presents: The Rogue Nation of DiSistan

thewza
notmyfault
nationstates
#1

This thread is brought to you based on something @TheWza posted here - The Politics Bar (POST election thread). If the thread fails, blame him, not me.

I’ve created a new Nation on NationStates named “DiSistan” (DiStopia was taken) and have set it up based on the normal principles of a Disser - socialism good, rehabilitation for criminals etc. The state of our nation is as follows:

We have some questions to solve as follows…

How we talk to each other on here/Debating etiquette
#2

Prospecting company Nukes4U has uncovered a large uranium deposit in DiSistan’s south-west.

  • “This is a terrific find!” claims Nukes4U CEO Ami Laine. “Look, we know that as a private company we weren’t really meant to be prospecting in communist DiSistan, but this could provide an enormous stimulus to your economy and create thousands of new jobs! It’s win-win! Perhaps we could mine on behalf of the state, under a public service contract? All we need from you is permission to bulldoze the rainforest that’s on top of the deposit.”
  • “You’ve got to be kidding,” says Green politician Django Rudd. “This rainforest is thousands of years old! This country needs more environmental protection, not less. And to destroy the environment in order to mine uranium that then goes into nuclear bombs—well, that really sticks in my craw.”
  • “There’s no need for an either-or decision,” says the government’s Minister for Mining, Clear-Felling, and the Environment. “We can preserve most of the rainforest and allow mining of a small part. After all, think of all the good that the money from this uranium deposit can bring to DiSistan.”

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#3

DiSistan’s TV soaps—famous around the region—have come under fire for their lack of ethnic diversity.

  • “Every night my family and I sit down to watch ‘The Brash and the Backstabbing’,” says Lee Powell. “But where are the Lilliputians like myself? Where are the Bigtopians? The Marche Noirians? People from those cultures can be just as brash and backstabbing, but we never see them on the screen. The government must act to remove this silent apartheid from our TV screens.”
  • “Those Lilliputians don’t know how good they have it,” says Rosita Wickwire, spokesperson for the Tasmanians Against Ethnic Stereotyping. “Tasmanians are on television all the time, but always in crude, stereotypical roles. The answer is not to enforce ethnic quotas, but to award government prizes for the positive portrayal of minorities. That’ll work better, and be cheaper, too.”
  • “The government should do what now?” says TV studio executive Alexandra Douglas. “You’ve got to be kidding. We make soaps here, not documentaries. I should be able to put whichever characters I want into my shows. Quotas! Government prizes! God save me! Hasn’t the government got anything better to do? Why don’t they just back off and let society work out these things on its own?”

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#4

Workers across the nation have gone out on indefinite strike over what they claim are substandard wages in the Pizza Delivery industry.

  • “We are the backbone of this country, and we demand a fair wage rise!” says union leader Ellie Mendeleev. “I don’t think a 20% increase over two years is too much to ask. Unless the government forces employers to give us our due, we’ll shut this whole industry down! Let’s see how well DiSistan’s economy manages without any Pizza Delivery, huh"
  • “We pay our employees very generous wages,” says employer representative Johann Stewart. “Especially when you consider that without us, they’d be OUT ON THE STREET. Hear that, you scumbags? OUT ON THE STREET! Anyway, my point is, if you cave in, you make our entire industry uncompetitive. You can’t do that in the global marketplace. It’ll hurt the whole country. The best solution, economically speaking, would be to relax industrial laws and allow us to fire troublemakers on the spot.”

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#5

Last one for now…

Vocal members of the moral minority have been complaining and petitioning the government about the new art gallery displaying several provocative nude portraits by several famous artists. They claim these pieces of work promote prostitution and indecent sexual acts.

  • “Stop my children from looking at smut! These artists are only perverts pretending to be artists! Think of the children!” says Hermes Solo, proud member of Parents Promoting Purity. “These artists are only going to rouse our innocent children to commit grotesque acts of immorality! Get rid of their art, and arrest the artists!”
  • “Well, I see that point, but we certainly don’t need to ban inoffensive art, still lifes of inanimate objects, and such,” says your sister, Felicity Bowie. “Perhaps we should set some guidelines for what is acceptable as art and what isn’t. Artistic renditions of people getting it on are one thing. A bunch of fruit in a decorative bowl is another entirely.”
  • “That is censorship!” says noted art history teacher Sven Harkness. “You can’t ban art! It’s freedom of expression; it’s part of our culture. If anything, the government should be supporting these artists and their work, not listening to these prudish whackjobs who are scared of a little bare skin!”

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#6

Is this a Mute Branches thread?

#7

Do we get a day off on thewza’s birthday?

#8

Who are these warmongers in DiSistan?

If they love the army so much, why don’t they go and join it?

#9

biggest tl;dr i ever seen

#10

Really liked Jennifer Government. That was the book NationStates came from right?

#11

Fortunately most of it was a copy/paste job.

TL:DR, we’re running our own nation on www.nationstates.com. All people have to do is vote every so often I’l make the relevant changes and report back.

#12

Yes. It’s the first National Holiday of DiSistan.

#13

#14

I’ve missed a couple of episodes of The Brash and the Backstabbing. Is it available on catchup anywhere?

#15

He’s only gone and done it! :nerd_face:

Nice currency choice. :sunglasses:

#16

Yup. No one has to work. But everyone has to log a visit at their nearest glorious cat shrine.

#17

Good morning everyone. Welcome to the second glorious day of DiSistan. For the curious, you can follow progress at https://www.nationstates.net/nation=disistan.

Our population is now up to 6 million - our citizens are breeding like rabbits - and I’ve enacted our first four laws. The effects are as follows:

  • Tourism has flourished as people come to visit our famous rainforests, saved from the nuclear threat.
  • The payrise for our vital pizza delivery sector has caused mass general strikes. Ungrateful sods!
  • Nude art is now wildly popular
  • TV shows must meet a strict ethnicity quota. This decision has caused our economy to Implode.

We have a couple of new decisions to make…

  • “This tyranny by majority must end!” demands Ash Myers, a Macronesian protest leader, who claims to represent all 2500 Macronesians in DiSistan. “We have been trying to become members of parliament for most of our adult lives, but we have not won even a single seat. I insist that you permanently reserve a few seats for minority groups throughout our nation.”
  • “That would not even begin to make up for the decades we spent suffering in silence,” laments Faith Taylor, an ethnic Moltovean who was unsuccessful in her last three runs for a seat in parliament. “The current system obviously doesn’t work. Why don’t we just redraw the voting districts? We can arrange the borders in a manner that will ensure our parliament has a more representative percentage of minorities. Rather than having a few reserved seats, we could actually have fair elections that result in a diverse parliament. Of course, the nation’s homogeneous rural areas might need to be, um, divided a little more creatively to allow our people to get elected there.”
  • “These dreadful ideas would alienate a large chunk of our voting base,” complains Speaker of Parliament Karl Chau, who was recently lampooned in the book Stuff Ethnic DiSistanians Like. “Furthermore, the proposals are completely unmeritocratic. No matter how much you spin it, if a candidate fails to meet the expectations of the voting public, the candidate does not deserve a seat. And besides, you’ve seen how those loutish Bigtopians conduct their own affairs. Do you really want those sorts of people in our government?”
  • “The proposed rules don’t go far enough!” proclaims Penny Ives, a devout follower of a very small sect of Conspiritivism, sporting a tin foil helmet and insulating robes. “If minority races get to have special considerations, it’s only fair that we have them too. You should allocate reserved seats in parliament to both ethnic minorities and minority religions to give everyone a voice!”

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  • “Yes, yes!” cries Taylor Organa, waving a wooden sword enthusiastically. “You’ve gotta do this, man! Gladiator fights are like the ultimate in spectator sports! And it doesn’t just have to be people! We could pit man against Cat! Blade against claw! Nothing to their names but their wits and their stamina! You’d have to pay people a lot to risk their lives doing this, but I bet you’d earn a whole lot more from merchandise and wagers and stuff!”
  • “That’s just sick,” says Britney Vargas, president of the Kill Violence Now Association. “I don’t believe you’d find anyone willing to watch actual people tearing each other apart. It’s savage and horrible! It’s even worse than boxing! Violent sports should be outlawed for the sake of this country’s moral integrity. I’m sorry, I’ve got to go - I’m ashamed you’re even considering this.”
  • “Actually, we could use this to our advantage,” whispers Chief of Police, Genghis Cook. “Why not just force convicted criminals to fight for the amusement of the public? They’ll be paying for their crimes, contributing to society, and totally freeing us of having to build jails to throw their useless hides in!”

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#18

Jeez, DiSistan is spending 8.4% of GDP on defence. That’s too high. Can we reroute some of that into setting up a government backed quizzing program?

#19

wtf is this

#20

We may need to spend some of it on maps and signposts, because almost 14% of our deaths are caused by being lost in the wilderness.