They've asked you to join the band


#1

It’s Incubus.

They want you to play bass on their US tour

What do you say?

  • Yes
  • No

0 voters


#2

I can’t play bass, it would be a disaster


#3

It’s Pearl Jam.

They want you to be their third guitarist of their tour of motorway service stations around the UK.

  • Yes
  • No

0 voters


#4

It’s Daft Punk.

They want you to play the Commonwealth Games Open Ceremony. You dont even have to play anything, just wear one of the helmets.

  • Yes
  • No

0 voters


#5

It’s Frank Turner.

He’s asked you to serve canapés at his tory campfire festival, but no-one will find out and you’ll be paid £1000 and all your expenses paid to fly to and from the US for it

  • Sure
  • Campfire Fuck Off

0 voters


#6

It’s Steps, they need you to replace the brown haired guy, so you only have to do backing vocals and learn the dances. You’re touring the uni towns with s club 7*

*now just Jo Paul and Bradley

  • Yes
  • No

0 voters


#7

It’s gorguts, you must be able to tremolo pick at 255bpm for 18 minutes straight

  • Sign me up
  • dunno what any of those words mean

0 voters


#8

It’s Ed Sheeran

“Mate, listen, all that loop pedal stuff? It’s all bollocks. Will you come and play backing guitar for me? You’ll need to hide behind this curtain and communicate by videolink”

  • Yep!
  • Fuck off, Ed!

0 voters


#9

It’s Fieldy.

He wants to tour Fieldy’s Dreams around Europe as a two piece where he’ll play bass as Fieldy and you’ll be 'Dreams" dressed in a onesie, interpreting his bass through interpretive dance (paid handsomely).

  • Yes
  • No

0 voters


#10

It’s Korn.

they’ve asked you to join them on their UK tour to play bagpipes. BUT, you’re not allowed to talk to any of them and you have to travel with and stay with the roadies

  • It’s on!
  • No Way

0 voters


#11

It’s My Vitriol.

They want you to play electric timpani on their headlining support tour and be in charge of the twitter account when it’s inevitably cancelled.

  • Yeah, for sure!
  • Mastering? What’s mastering?!?

0 voters


#12

It’s Crazy Town. Or more accurately, Shifty Shellshock (blonde idiot). He wants you to perform Brett ‘Epic’ Mazur (brunette idiot)'s vocal parts on their international tour. You’ll be playing the US, South America, Europe and South-East Asia - playing 2013’s album The Brimstone Sluggers in full, no encore.

  • Whatever tickles your fancy
  • Girl it’s me and you like Sid and Nancy

0 voters


#13

I mean I wouldn’t actually be able to do it but I’d have fun trying I’m sure.


#14

was going to vote no way until I realised I DIDN’T have to talk to any of Korn


#15

tbf Head would probably try and talk to you about the bible these days


#16

It’s the Prophets of Rage

You have to dress up as Donald Trump. Wander round stage making obscene gestures until Chuck D and/or an audience member decks you at the end of each night.

You get first call on the dry roasted peanuts, but you’re only allowed to drink Campari.

  • Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!!!
  • Show em watcha got

0 voters


#17

Giggling during a training exercise here. Fuck’s sake.


#18

I play bass very well and have always liked the idea of going on tour but no fucking way would I play with Incubus.


#19

I, ncubus?


#20

The trainer must think they’re very entertaining. You’ve made their day.