Things/locations that are almost guaranteed to cause an argument with your thinly-veiled

Oxford Street for us, Clive. It’s almost too easy to say, but we have been twice together and argued both times, due to my poor timekeeping, the crowds, the traffic, and the lack of champagne bar.

Can’t really think of any others.

If I try and advise her when she’s cooking.



Nobody has ever in the history of humankind gone to an Ikea with a partner and not had a mild row at the absolute best or a full-blown heated argument at worst


Getting a chest infection

not being able to find something


I get that too. He has never not once criticised the way I cut onions. Be it wedges, strips, or diced, it’s wrong.

To be fair, it does sound like you are doing it wrong.


I like to get through with minimal fuss, with pre-planned stops at a couple of destinations (Wetherspoons lager breakfast, a quick look in boots for sun cream and deals on sunglasses, bottled water, that kind of thing) and then a quick pit stop at the loos before departure.

Every time I’ve flown with a TV, faffing and failure to comply with the pre-arranged itinerary has resulted in some pretty big showdown arguments.



keep going

What does it matter? They’re all getting cooked, aren’t they?

you getting off on this or something, mate?

Your poor fucking fella.



Perfectly easy, if you know what you’re getting.

The North Circular, on the other hand, which we have to go on to get to Ikea, is a completely different matter.

The problem with Ikea though is its ability to throw things up that weren’t on your list but seem like good ideas when you’re there.

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Broadway Market. I hate that place with a passion that burns like the sun.

Me and the TV argue about a line from Lord of The Rings 2 where an orc shouts “Looks like meat’s back on the menu tonight boys!”

I have absolutely no problem with this, but it enrages the TV. She finds the idea of orcs having a menu and choosing their meals is ridiculous, “So what, there are fucking Orc restaurants you’re telling me? With Orc waitors and table reservations and all of that?” She will say. It enrages her, and we end up arguing about it every couple of months.

I think it’s reasonable that Orcs will have a canteen type location where they may get a choice between manflesh and beef or whatever. Also - menus only have to be one item long. Could be wherever Orcs eat there is a sign which just says, “Menu - Chicken Nuggets” and that’s it.


Long drives are an absolute guaranteed argument. backseat driving, bad music choices, smelly food, driving too fast/slow, middle lane hogging, how long to stop for and how often, how to divvy up the driving etc. it’s all just a grim state of affairs

This is a very good argument.

Snore off mate, no it isn’t.

We’ve gone with the exact product we want in mind and it’s location known and I still end up having to evaluate two products that it is literally impossible to have a preference or any strong feelings whatsoever about and finding myself admonished for a failure to make a choice.