Things/locations that are almost guaranteed to cause an argument with your thinly-veiled


I love this one.

If she’s filling in, for example, a booking form and makes a typo - If I spot it and point it out before she notices, there’s a good chance of me getting my head snapped off.



Especially if we’re queuing. Especially in an airport.


Total cliché, but trying to choose a film to watch. Round and round and round in circles before we sack it off and watch Gogglebox.


I am the massivest wanker when I’m hungry. I can even tell that I’m being one, I just can’t help it. She really ought to carry emergency biscuits/rusks.


I have cereal bars in my pockets AND hand luggage for airports now. I’m not having the repeat of the time she threatened a toddler.


yeah i get pretty hangry these days


When one of us is hanging clothes up on the airer or loading the dishwasher when the other is in the same room.


My wife gets like this at the airport too. Starts making overly loud comments about people doing things wrong. It’s great!


“You make a suggestion this time"
Makes suggestion
"Your suggestions are always shit”
“Ok, what would you like to watch?”
“I don’t know, it’s your turn to choose”
“What about X?”
"You’re just suggesting that because you think it’s something I’d like"
and so on


Cooking. She absolutely hated the way I hovered over her interjecting with helpful cooking tips. Not my fault you never remembered to fan out the spaghetti, bitch.


I have a friend who actually aborted proposing to his girlfriend on a candle lit beach because he knew she was hungry. Came back and did it all again the next evening.


On our last holiday, we both went to different ePassport gates and neither of them were working properly, and you could see both of us getting so annoyed that the other might fluke it and make it through before the other.


Her telling me where to park, like it’s some kind of badge of honour to parallel park into a space with a gnat’s baw hair of clearance when there’s a massive space about ten feet further away.


^this is a fucking excellent one

Going anywhere with no dinner option and finding everywhere is packed is a guaranteed recipe for disaster.


I can’t be in the kitchen when she’s cooking. I’ll get “I don’t know why it turned out wrong, I did it exactly the same way you/I did it last time”

And yet if I point out the dozens of ways it wasn’t exactly the same, somehow I’m the arsehole!


Chinny reckon


When I’m asked to do a domestic duty which I perceive does not need to be done.

“You need to put the dishes away”
“No they’re in the drainer. I’ll put them away tomorrow when they’ve dried”
“No you need to do them now”
“No I don’t, we’re not going to use the kitchen again today”


Absolute nailed on carnage. Would stop this sort of thing but a) I know I’m right and b) life’s too short to do domestic chores that don’t need to be done but which satisfy some kind of aesthetic preference.


“That looks good”
“I’m not watching a Rom Com”
“I know, you never do because you never compromise”
“Lets try this”
“No, looks weird”
“Lets just watch Lethal Weapon”
Both fall asleep


oh we have the opposite. she’ll start pointing out spaces I can park in once we’re in an 8 mile radius of our destination


They ended up closing both of them, as the passengers behind us got stuck as well.