Things that are difficult to judge

Difficult to pour the perfect bowl of Alpen in my experience.

I also think it’s difficult to run a bath at the perfect temperature.

More things like this if you want, also someone could make a joke about being an actual judge perhaps and there is maybe some scope for other stuff.


The perfect glass of squash, when a new bottle of cordial is opened. Them ratios always be changin’.


How far to go when winding certain dissers up


And in reference to your latter point, the Eurovision Song Contest seems extremely subjective.

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How much food to buy if you invite people round for a BBQ.

Similarly, the correct amount of snacks and stuff to get in over Christmas. Usually get carried away with stuffed dates, peanuts, pretzels, tangerines, twiglets, mince pies, etc. Then never eat any of it.

I’m fucking great at pouring the perfect squash but I welcome your contribution nonetheless

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How many serviettes to get at a fast food place. One doesn’t cut it, two seems fine but only end up using one, three up seems extravagant.

Appropriate number of sides to get when ordering anything in.

All mine are likely to be about food because I’m hungry.

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Always bin 1/3 of the rice I’ve cooked.

How many tapas/meze dishes to order

Very perfect example

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Header back to the goalkeeper while under pressure


How likely a dog I don’t know is to savage me to death, or lick me into next week


How much pasta to cook

99.9% of the time it is the latter

Pints on a worknight.

I reckon three’s the max.

My cut-off used to be eight, ffs.

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Anything when not using a torque wrench


Whether the 40 miles of petrol that your car says you have left will actually last your 32 mile journey.


2-and-a-half is about right. Anything after that and it is officially ‘a session’

Was just about to add lunchtime drinks.

Pint seems alright, but there’s somewhere between 1.2 and 1.21 where you go from “fancy a swift second one” to “oh fuck work, let’s get ON THE LASH WHAHEY”

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Books by looking at their covers alone