Things that fill you with very mixed feelings

Hearing people speak fluently in another language.

I love hearing it, and I especially admire people who can speak several languages but I also get a bit jealous and feel so fucking stupid as well.

I’ve tried to learn a few languages but as a result I can just do basic communication (generally ordering wine and food and general pleasantries) in several languages instead before I get lost and then have to revert to English.

How about you?

(inspired by two Spanish people in my office speaking beautifully with one another)

voting for the labour party.


Eating lime pickle


alright Farage.

I have two that are for very similar reasons to yours:

  • seeing people I know play instruments and/or sing really well, and wishing that I could do that.
  • seeing other people post selfies in the selfie thread and wishing that I could do that.

Meeting new people
Not meeting new people


Massively this with musical instruments. I get it after seeing gigs sometimes, the obvious gladness because it’s good, but also the envy at my inability to do that (and the fact I’d love to)

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JOY, I’m eating potatoes!
DESPAIR, with each bite, I have less potato left to eat.


I think that the thing that has affected me the most is going to the Retrospectacular days, with the rock karaoke afterwards. I always have an amazing time, but I always feel a bit down afterwards because I could never join in fully.

Reading a good book

  • It’s good, I enjoyed it immensely
  • It’s over and now I feel lost, empty and full of despair

Teenagers competing in sport at an international level. Sure it’s impressive, but the level of sacrifice they must’ve gone through during their childhood and early-teens to get that stage often makes me do a little “hmm” in the back of my mind


I don’t want to go full gok wan, but it really is all about the confidence when it comes to stuff like that.

Most of the best performances I’ve seen or ones I’ve enjoyed the most have been the ones full of energy and enjoyment rather than technical prowess.

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Yeah, but they’ve all had a basic level of ability.

listening to burzum


Listening to David Bowie.

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When I listen back to the album I made a decade ago, at first I’m flooded with positive feelings because I truly love it and have no idea how it came out of me. Then that’s immediately replaced with feelings of regret, both for not learning guitar and/or drums over the course of my childhood and for failing to put another band together when the singer quit and attempting to make it. Then I think about starting another band and experience further mixed feelings because if I’ve lost the ability to write songs, then that sucks, but if the songs end up being good, then it’s further evidence I’ve wasted my life. There’s basically no way to win.




Pandas (cute, but fundamentally useless)

Trapped wind

I can’t comment as I don’t know how bad you are vs how bad you think you are!

Playing a good game of basketball feels incredible, but the second it ends I remember that Trump is still president and might get us nuked and that brief moment of joy instantly turns into a sense of future loss.

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