Things that make you go "urgh"

  • possessive language (mine, yours, belong to me, etc.) used in a romantic context
  • the term “other half”

Valentine’s Day soon, isn’t it.


Mine Birthday Sooner


People gobbing on pavements


Trump’s tweets. I keep going back for more.


Usually don’t care about PDAs at all but there was a couple opposite me on the train this morning that were fucking nauseatingly over the top, rubbing noses, smooching, the works. They were both 30-somethings as well, it made me go “urgh”


Singing Tom Jones songs at karaoke


Singing C+C Music Factory at Karaoke and getting the lyrics wrong.


Mark Kermode



Seeing kids with snotty noses.

Kids with food all around their mouths. Wipe their fucking faces between spoonfuls, you lazy bastard parents.


Pioneers have always met with opposition from small-minded pricks like you.


The word ‘fizz’ to describe carbonated wine


Used jonnys left on the bedroom floor.




Every love song ever written. Also certain Valentine’s heart sweeties.


When someone asks me what the lead singer of Ultravox’s surname is


You’re mine, japesy. Your gorgeous nose, hairy shoulders, shaven nethers, all belong to me.

You know, in a romantic context.

Get it now?


People inventing stuff their kids said or did for cheap social media numbers.


Smokers outside the hospital doors


My three year old niece was complaining about this at Christmas. She’s very advanced for her age.