Things that mark someone out as a noob

noob
n00b

#1

They try to flash you to let you pull out but squirt washing fluid onto their windscreen.

Try to swipe their bank card at the tube turnstiles when they’re standing to close to the gate and it won’t open.

Driving a rental van.

Packing their shopping into bags as they scan it at the self service tills.

Having their windscreen wipers on at an unnecessarily high setting when it’s not even raining that much, or even not noticing that it has stopped raining AND THEY’RE STILL ON


#2

You fucking prick!


#3

it’s the only incontestable one on the list mate. by definition you are a n00b if you’re driving a rental van


#4

There is no universe in which this is NOT the correct way to do things.


#5

As opposed to…


#6

never had egg or potato on a pizza


#7


#8

Try to do a proper throw-in at 5 a side


#9

Cycling to work.

Wearing a rucksack.

Ordering two-thirds of a pint of beer.


#10

Keeper who gets their centre back to take goal kicks


#11

Buying duty free on a plane


#12

not scanning bakery products/vegetables as the cheapest item on either section at the self service


#13

Daisy chain headband at a festival


#14

directly replies to a person when just trying to generally add to the thread


#15

Wearing a band’s own tshirt to their gig


#16

why are these noob traits?


#17

queuing to board a plane


#18

excellent shout


#19

Ordering a “pint of beer”


#20

Turning their phone off in, rather than before going into, a film screening