Things that mark someone out as a noob



They try to flash you to let you pull out but squirt washing fluid onto their windscreen.

Try to swipe their bank card at the tube turnstiles when they’re standing to close to the gate and it won’t open.

Driving a rental van.

Packing their shopping into bags as they scan it at the self service tills.

Having their windscreen wipers on at an unnecessarily high setting when it’s not even raining that much, or even not noticing that it has stopped raining AND THEY’RE STILL ON


You fucking prick!


it’s the only incontestable one on the list mate. by definition you are a n00b if you’re driving a rental van


There is no universe in which this is NOT the correct way to do things.


As opposed to…


never had egg or potato on a pizza



Try to do a proper throw-in at 5 a side


Cycling to work.

Wearing a rucksack.

Ordering two-thirds of a pint of beer.


Keeper who gets their centre back to take goal kicks


Buying duty free on a plane


not scanning bakery products/vegetables as the cheapest item on either section at the self service


Daisy chain headband at a festival


directly replies to a person when just trying to generally add to the thread


Wearing a band’s own tshirt to their gig


why are these noob traits?


queuing to board a plane


excellent shout


Ordering a “pint of beer”


Turning their phone off in, rather than before going into, a film screening