Things that will make you give up on a book

Much as I like a bit of generic, derivative fantasy from time to time, if a book starts off with “I, Quaalude of the Fnaangarians, first in line for the throne of Mesoporussiapan, skilled in the art of Teriyaaaaki, unsheathed my mystical Hspôrkk and headed towards the vast uplands of Zsluuw with my traveling companion Da’rren, one of the last surviving Aeinsels,” then ahm oot. That’s not world building, it’s nerd word salad.

Never made it past the prologue of a Brandon Sanderson book for this reason.

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Maps

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Songs

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pages covered in dog shit

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Sepsis

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elvish script

the book is on fire and my hands hurt

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No pages

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Quitter

it’s not actually a book, it’s one of them fake books with all the pages cut out and a bottle of whiskey hidden in the middle

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VHS storage made to look like a book

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/revolver/nudey pics/drugs

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If the book has constantly let me down for several years and shows no interest in my emotional wellbeing

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imagine if it contained all of those things. That would be a good fake book

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Better than any real book

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things that will make you give up on a fake book: no revolver

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If it’s incredibly long and boring and wilfully smug and arch and complicated (basing this on the fact the only book I remember giving up on in recent times is Infinite Jest).

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Someone telling me about another book that sounds more interesting.

If the title is “Gravity’s Rainbow”

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if @xylo refuses to sell it to me