Things you did to/called teachers to undermine their authority (lighthearted only)

Called Mr H Longworth Harry Schlongworth.

There was a rumour that Mr Parton used to keep Miss Parton in his car boot when they travelled to school because James Burrows saw him letting her out of their when he got in early one day.

Miss Sweet used to nod her head in rhythm with her pen when writing on the board so we’d all mimic that when she was doing it, was particularly good when she did a tick and her head made the equivalent move.

Would regularly put all of our form tutor’s class furniture facing the wrong way round before they got in, used to hide the photo of their kids from their desk a lot as well, that one quit teaching a few years later though so that’s not very lighthearted and I feel dead guilty about it.

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in keeping with the penis theme,

we had a teacher called Mr Pilling and Matthew redacted would answer the register with “yes Mr. Bellend”. We thought he didn’t notice but I bet he did.

sorry Mr Pilling.

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One of our teachers used the word “basically” as her linguistic crutch, we used to count how many times she’d use it in a lesson, we once got to more than 60.


We had one that did a Mr Mackey style ‘mmkay’. Again, tallies were kept.

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In Mrs Methuen’s English lesson, when Dave Hart gave the signal (by coughing) everyone dropped their pen.


Not particularly funny but my school installed an Orwellian fingerprint scan thing to sign in/out of lessons. Realised very quickly that a mid-2000s scanning system was dysfunctional at best and henceforth used to it as an excuse to skip lessons whenever I chuffing wanted because I’m a bloody rebel and that’s why me education’s so well.

we used to stick bits of masking tape on Mr Savage’s (think he was graphics or whatever they called that subject) back as he walked past. He wasn’t very observant. Nice guy though

Someone did that to me once when I was delivering a training course. They took a tally of the number of times I said “you know” during the first half.

I saw this on the guy’s notepad when they were on coffee break, so afterwards I said to the guy (in front of the others) “okay, for every time I say ‘you know’ in the second half, I’ll give £1 to a charity of your choice”… the guy went crimson and I managed to get through the second half of the training saying ‘you know’ only twice.


bet you felt pretty fucking cool afterwards tbf

I was fucking seething. I still have to deal with that weaselly prick every so often.


we had a teacher called miss murfitt and people would always say ‘miss murfitt, it aint worth it’ but one day she cried about it and everyone got shouted at

one of our teachers went on blind date (the tv show) so clearly had no authority over anyone and any time he got aggro someone would sing the blind date theme and inevitably get kicked out of the class


Fucking hell, what did he think would happen!?


Don’t have any lighthearted contributions, I was dead serious about this sort of stuff like a real rebel


I’ll take em

i think it was possibly before he became a teacher? but either way, poor choice i agree

Had a french teacher with the nickname “flower” ( can’t remember why, can’t actually remember his real name, maybe it was flower related)

Pupils would shout out “flower” in a high pitched voice when he was looking the other way (don’t think I did it, just felt bad for him generally)

One day a kid called Lee (who was bigger than most adult males) ripped a readers wives picture (which in this case was actually a picture of a naked guy ) out of a mag and stuck it to flowers briefcase

He didn’t notice till the end of the lesson - by which time the class was in a state of near hysteria

I heard that after I left the school Lee hung flower out of a classroom window by his legs. No idea if this is true but I doubt it

The two geography teachers at my school were married, small and had a look of woodland creature about them so naturally they were nicknamed The Wombles. One parent, not realising this wasn’t their actual name, referred to them as Mr and Mrs Womble at a parents evening :blush:


Our headteacher was called Mr Shanovitch so he was affectionately referred to as Mr Shagabitch.

I’ve told this before but there was a rumour going around that he’d stolen all of the Children in Need non-uniform day money to pay for a power shower he was having installed in his office.


also had a teacher called mr billet, started out calling him mr ticket and it eventually evolved into a heavily affected ‘monsieur billet’ and we’d attribute lots of french stuff to him despite him being about as yorkshire as you could get


Any of you lot have any juicy teacher gossip back in the day?

Mr Dryden was fucking Miss Bastin (who was a druggy)

Sparksy used to plough Mrs Mayhew on school trips (he was a PE teacher, she was a science teacher, there was literally no reason why they’d need to be on the same overnight school trips)

Mr Pointer was banging the fit geography teacher (who was literally called Miss Lush) but then some new young male teacher arrived and whisked her away with him instead