Whenever I’m having a chat conversation with an Italian workmate of mine, and something comes up about Italy or “back home” I throw the Mexican, Hungarian or Irish flag emoji into the conversation in a supportive manner. Not every time, just enough for him to correct me and me to apologise each time I do it. “Gah, sorry again, it’s just such an easy mistake to make!”.
I also change the font slightly of certain chunks of email text I send so that people think it’s been copied and pasted and wasn’t written exclusively for them. Usually everything after the first pleasantries sentence and before the final goodbyes at the end.
If I’m second in a queue and the person in front of me gets called to the tills/ticket machine/whatever, I’ll stay exactly where I am rather than shuffling forward a foot or so. People behind me don’t like this. I do.
Definitely don’t do anything like this. Don’t know what’s wrong with you people.
See also: When sat in heavy traffic and you let a gap of more than 6 foot open up between you and the car in front.
Guaranteed way to get my rear parking sensors to sound like I’m flatlining.
I like batting my friends’ and family members’ phones out their hands. Or grabbing and sliding them away as far as i can across the floor
I’ve been a bit more annoying post-Brexit. I went through a stage of deliberately getting in middle-aged people’s* way in supermarkets, leaving my trolley in awkward places and so on.
*Not all middle-aged people voted brexit but if you match the voting preferences of the middle-aged with the 2:1 leave vote in our constituency, it’s a fair bet.
Such a lie that I’m already second guessing and already have changed my mind and am assuming this is a wolfcastle
Saying gree zee for greasy.
I did actually do a very satisfying one in Seattle over Christmas.
We were at a wine warehouse place. Hugely wide aisles. We were stocking up and I was looking at something on the shelf. Trolley was on the other side of the aisle, but pushed right to the side to be out of the way. Still plenty of room to get between me and the trolley, even if you had a trolley yourself.
Some guy enters, probably having a bad day, maybe some other problems, I don’t know and maybe, and most likely, was just a jerk. He comes past, and as he comes between the trolley and I he just randomly grabs the trolley and shoves it.
I just think, what a jerk, and shrug it off. 5 minutes later, I’m going back up the other way in the next aisle, and who should I clock in my periphery storming towards me (Empty handed, so probably already even more irked as they clearly didn’t have what he was looking for and he’s heading for the exit)? It’s yer man. I pick up something I don’t even want, turn to put it on the trolley and pull it towards me. Then I look up and go oh oops, sorry! And deliberately mimics his side stepping twice.
I then let him pass and he growls a guttural ‘fuckkk youuuu’ and I smile a dickhead petty smile
See also also: if someone is driving too fast behind me on a single lane carriageway and obviously wants to overtake, I’ll slow down to a just-about acceptable speed and watch them getting gradually angrier in the rear view mirror
Pretend I don’t know what you’re talking about, especially really basic shit. Behind a bar not knowing what ice is, god that’s the best. Not for long, just going “ice? uhmmm…” until people panic a bit.
yeah if someone is tailgating me and i’m just following cars in front (the road’s busy) i’ll gradually slow down, mainly because it reduces the need to suddenly brake if something happens in front and get Range Rover/Audi/BMW up my arse (banned act). It also has the benefit of really annoying them. I commute 60 miles a day on motorways and have seen so many avoidable accidents caused by pricks being too close to the car in front.
See also: not putting the shopping divider down on the conveyor belt straight away, and watching people get increasingly anxious.
my sister in law is spanish, so my nephews are being obviously taught spanish, so anytime i arrive at the house i talk loudly in a sterotypical, gobbledygook Italian whilst gesticulating madly. My nephews go nuts for it, my sis in law hates it, i laugh rather chuffed to myself.
*apologies to our Italian brethren
Drive at the 30mph speed limit when I know the guy (it’s usually a guy) behind wants to get past me