#8

I feel a bit bad about the guy in our office that we pretty much blank (although he blanks us back). Can’t be fun sitting in an office for 8 hours a day not speaking whilst everyone around you is chatting rubbish.

#9

Hiya.

#10

Ha. Do you go out of your way to touch your female colleagues borderline innapropriately or bump into their chairs as you walk past? Do you also support Donald Trump and Brexit?

#11

I’m not going over this again. Speak to HR.

4 Likes
#12

Bastard. You can have your book entitled ‘women who can’t love and what’s wrong with them’ back.

#13

I’m thinking back on it now and I don’t think I’ve ever touched a single colleague here.

#14

Women not worthy of a handshake eh?

1 Like
#15

Not wearing some pairs of pants as much as others. I’m sorry, stripy-blue, you’re just too tight.

1 Like
#16
2 Likes
#17

Oh there’s a point. Okay, I don’t think I’ve touched any of my colleagues since the interviews.

#18

Yeah there’s a young guy on my team who’s really quiet even when the rest of us are sitting around chatting shite. Feel a bit bad for him as someone who can be a bit quieter as well (but not to that extent), make an effort with him occasionally, always feel I should do it more often but can’t really be bothered?

#19

Guess it depends on how much he gives back when you do try. If you’re not getting much back it might be that he’s just naturally quiet and doesn’t need to join in.

1 Like
#20

Hoovered up a big spider on the wall, I’m not having him jumping out at me late at night and growling or whatever. My daughter watched me and said, with big cow eyes, “is it still alive?”

Oh yeah, definitely, I’ll just let him outside into the bin, he can wander off where he likes from there.

Felt a bit bad. Fuck them big hairy spiders though.

#21

I’m always trading on Snails in my garden by accident

Always feel pretty bad when I hear the crunch noise

2 Likes
#23

It’s been sluggish recently

5 Likes
#25

my mum showed me a stupid video on her iPad a while ago that I didn’t really find funny, and failed to feign any sort of amusement at.

Have felt bad about it ever since.

2 Likes
#26

The crunch of a snail underfoot is like nails on a chalkboard. One of the very worst sounds.

#27

I’m sure the snail is fucking delighted about it.

#28

I care not for the puny mollusc, just the aural discomfort to myself.

1 Like
#29

WHAT are you currently working on?
I am currently working on a charity concert to raise awareness for molluscs. It’s on 1 February at the Lyric in the West End of London. At my studio, Poggle Studios, deep in the Virginia Water countryside, hundreds of snails have perished under the feet of many a musician who have stepped outside for a cigarette or whatever at night and crunch. We’ve all been there. The heavier ones with bigger feet – like Adele or Elton John – can wipe out five or six of the guys in one step. It’s snail genocide and many people think snails can grow their shells back, well they can’t. They turn into slugs and die.