Things you have taken undeserved credit for

I was supposed to phone the plumber today. Couldn’t be arsed. Luckily, the plumber phoned me, the shower’s getting fixed today, and now I’m some kind of modern day hero for taking the time out of my extremely busy working day to take care of it.

Bored myself writing this, so please provide better examples below.


I retell all of Jordan’s jokes to my friends, family and colleagues as my own and take all the kudos that they provide.


@Ruffers ‘impossible time wizard’

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thread hijack!

so my hob has got one ceramic electric ring, and 3 gas rings. the electric ring and the gas ignition system has literally gone bang and stopped working. what sort of handiperson do i need to call - electric or gas man? suspect it’s just a case or replacing a fuse or circuitboard or something BUT it’s all built in to the worktops with gas pipes etc so prob needs a gas certified person too?

nb i will almost certainly never call them out.

My name ended up on a report at work which I’d done pretty much fuck all to contribute to. Big circulation list, lots of praise for the piece of work, sat back and basked in the glory.

what kind of madness is this

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I predict a lot of laughing cow on toast in your future. (got to be elec hasn’t it?)

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I once claimed to have written the song “Doo Wop (That Thing)” for the Lauryn Hill

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nah the 3 gas hobs still work with a clicker ignition thing or a match… so i’m just the crap electric hob down.

it’s like this:

why would somebody (presumably not you) choose this?


it is sometimes useful, the lowest settings on the electric are much lower than the lowest gas so for like spag bol and stuff it’s ok

Some kind of cooooombination electrician and plumber?

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Yeah, I can see how that would work. But still - fucking nuts.

you need an electrician

there “should” (I know this as I did my kitchen recently) be an isolator switch somewhere for the hob ignition - with a fuse. It should just be a case of changing the fuse