Things you know about friends/acquaintances and wish you didn't

A friend of mine likes to dress as a ‘pup’. With other men of a similar ilk.

He doesn’t know that I know this. A mutual friend found his other Twitter account and forwarded it to me.

I’ve now seen him in a video masturbating whilst dress in a rubber puppy outfit. This image now flashes into my mind every time I see him in person.


Do I know you?


Anyone who’s watched the entire series of Magic for Humans will have seen some American weirdos who are into the same thing.

I think we might have peaked too early with the OP tbh


Overheard a couple of them doing it once.

Two of them joined the police


One of my mates cheated on his long term girlfriend (they’re still going out) with another friend of mine when they were on ketamine. It was a long time ago and would be pretty shit of me to bring it up. I feel bad that I even know.

It’s like Hollyoaks, innit?

Speak for yourself!

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The first time I met someone he proudly told us that he’d slept with the partner of one of our mutual friends. Wouldn’t describe him as a friend because, as you might expect, he is a massive creep.

I just remembered another one. I used to work in a design/typesetting company that had various customers and we’d work on all kinds of print jobs. One was a poetry anthology that came out every three months. The editor would pop in to our office when the book was almost ready for the printers just to go over any last minute amendments.

One Saturday afternoon I’m standing in a newsagents waiting for my mate to buy his packet of Lambert & Butler and I pull a random magazine off the top shelf. It featured photos of ‘mature ladies’. You can guess the rest…

I remember when I was over a mate’s house as a teenager and he showed me his parents extensive sex toy / porn VHS / sexy underwear drawer that he’d found in their room.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been that friendo that people come to for advice* and as such I know far more about the bedroom activities of a lot of them. One couple’s sex life was reinvigorated by 50 Shades of Grey for instance :neutral_face: Pleased for them obviously but I can never meet my pal’s wife without imaging a ball gag in her mouth.

2 of my pals met on Adult Friend Finder because he likes girls to sit on his face and she likes sitting on bloke’s faces.

*platitudes and well wishes because I have no real wisdom


Found a friend of mine on a certain… ‘special interests’… website and have now seen EVERYTHING and a full list of her fetishes/kinks.

Don’t nobody need that.

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so grandad, how did you and granny meet?


University friend once had a threesome with Jason Biggs and now I can’t watch Orange Is The New Black.

“mutual shared interests”

Not really I love when people tell me this stuff.

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Honestly no idea, Carole Anne Duffy double page spread?

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Got a friend who likes to be pissed on and another who voted Tory.

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That my devout Christian housemate and her boyfriend moan like they’re having full ball slapping sex while they’re making out. It grosses me out more than if it was ball slapping sex