Things you like to say after you finish a phone call

I’m a big fan of turning to a colleague and saying something like “blimey, she didn’t have a good word to say about you” or “he just called you all the bastards under the sun”.

It’s this kind of thing that means I’m recognised as a person who’s fun to be around.

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“Wrong number.” after a lengthy call.

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That’s a corker!

“Who the hell was that guy?” – again, after a long one.

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“Bellend”

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If I’m really dismissive with a cold caller and my wife asks who it was I always say “your mum”.

“for fuck’s sake…”

Nothing.

But you guys are giving me bare ideas here.

Keep your nudity to yourself please, Theo.

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It’s okay, they can’t see on the phone.

‘straight to voicemail’ - after a long outgoing call

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like to do the ol’ gun to the head gesture while talking on the phone.

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Doesn’t work if you’re volunteering for the samaritans, trust me

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Not on the phone.

Looks like a headset to me:

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Does it? Looks like some bullshit to me.

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I grant you that spending your whole turn to gain 8 credits isn’t amazing, but it’s great for recovering from Closed Accounts.

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Next year will be the 30th anniversary of me doing this joke, been doing it since I first saw it in “Mr Jolly Lives Next Door” and I will NEVER stop.

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