Things you once had to do

Once had to push someone’s car into the middle of a car park (Inveruglas visitor centre if you want to use Google maps to really visualise the scene). They’d parked behind us, boxing us in while we were up a hill - we came back down and they were nowhere to be found (we asked around), so we just pushed their car into the middle of the car park, put a note on their windscreen calling them a fucking idiot, then left.

Ever had to do anything one time?

Had to do some work once. It was horrible


Clarinet lessons


Change a barrel in a pub I wasn’t working at (but was drinking in) because the person behind the bar didn’t know how to do it



you better believe i do


I parked at a station car park last summer. When I came back someone had put a cone in front of my wheel. ‘What wanker has done that?’. Removed the cone and my car started rolling towards some others. I had just changed to a fucking electric handbrake.

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Looks lovely, right on the banks of Loch Lomond.

My brother once had to take phone orders in Indian restaurant he was eating in, while the owner/manager went out to the shops to buy us beer.


I once had to get a couple of friendly police officers to help me get out of a parking space (on Brighton Road in Surbiton if you want to use Google maps to really visualise the scene).

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I guess you just get nicer policemen outside of London.

How did you dispose of it?

People in Surbiton claim that they live in London…

And those people are very, very wrong.

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Pull a tick out of a colleagues leg

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Same. Coupled with going to music school on a Saturday morning.

I cleaned up some runny cat sick at 5am this morning. That was fun

Because my sister was going to dance classes my parents decided I should go as well. I was six years old. I went once because I was forced to go, I refused to go a second time. I am still lacking in elegance.

Killer a man