Things you once had to do


Once had to push someone’s car into the middle of a car park (Inveruglas visitor centre if you want to use Google maps to really visualise the scene). They’d parked behind us, boxing us in while we were up a hill - we came back down and they were nowhere to be found (we asked around), so we just pushed their car into the middle of the car park, put a note on their windscreen calling them a fucking idiot, then left.

Ever had to do anything one time?


Had to do some work once. It was horrible


Clarinet lessons


Change a barrel in a pub I wasn’t working at (but was drinking in) because the person behind the bar didn’t know how to do it



you better believe i do


I parked at a station car park last summer. When I came back someone had put a cone in front of my wheel. ‘What wanker has done that?’. Removed the cone and my car started rolling towards some others. I had just changed to a fucking electric handbrake.


Looks lovely, right on the banks of Loch Lomond.


My brother once had to take phone orders in Indian restaurant he was eating in, while the owner/manager went out to the shops to buy us beer.


I once had to get a couple of friendly police officers to help me get out of a parking space (on Brighton Road in Surbiton if you want to use Google maps to really visualise the scene).




dispose of a dead pigeon


I guess you just get nicer policemen outside of London.


How did you dispose of it?


shovel - bag - bin


People in Surbiton claim that they live in London…


I mean wrapped it in a cloth - built a small nest casket - prayed and buried it peacfully


And those people are very, very wrong.


Pull a tick out of a colleagues leg


Same. Coupled with going to music school on a Saturday morning.


I cleaned up some runny cat sick at 5am this morning. That was fun