Things you thought might kill you but didn't/haven't yet

MASSIVE CAVEAT: This is not a thread for genuine illnesses, harrowing near death incidents or otherwise sad stories. It’s more about hypochondria or worst-case scenario thinking.

Two things to kick this off,

  1. A big vividly coloured abdominal bruise that appeared one morning and that I was briefly convinced was a sign I was packing up from the inside. This was about a month ago. In retrospect I think I’d probably stumbled into something while drunk the night before.

  2. I managed to leave a spoon in my blender while making a smoothie on Sunday and didn’t realise what the machine was complaining about initially. I drank a little of the smoothie before discovering the scratched spoon within. Have been convinced at times in the days since that I could feel tiny shards of metal cutting through my stomach lining. And to be fair this one might still kill me.

Have had to order a new Breville Blendactive too.

Please don’t ignore the massive caveat. I don’t want to read about genuinely disturbing stuff. Not on a Tuesday.

tedium of existence

Come stay with me for the weekend.

That should finish you off.

best offer i’ll get this morning

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Got a few weird-looking moles and every time I notice them I convince myself I’m days away from death.

So far; not dead.

Is that the kind of thing you’re after?

I swallowed chewing gum once. It may still be in my system, but it hasn’t killed me yet.

Exactly.

Welcome friend.

You didn’t go to the doctor and you’re still alive.

A lesson for us all, I think.

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What a triumphant tale!

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Currently have a slightly numb right toe. Been that way for a week or two now. Occasionally wonder if this is the start of some Stephen Hawking type thing (that I have a degenerative disease, not that I’m becoming a genius astrophysicist.)

On the plus side, when I was driving myself mad over health fears before Christmas (general aches and pains), I finally signed up to a GP and got some blood tests done, which they never updated me about so I assume they were fine.

Disconcerting when they don’t get back to you, isn’t it?

But yeah, you can probably assume they were fine.

Alcoholism

I’m not clicking on that shit.

I have just the right levels of hypochondria to make that a perpetual nightmare.

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I was gonna saw aww kissing bug too

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