Things you thought might kill you but didn't/haven't yet

MASSIVE CAVEAT: This is not a thread for genuine illnesses, harrowing near death incidents or otherwise sad stories. It’s more about hypochondria or worst-case scenario thinking.

Two things to kick this off,

  1. A big vividly coloured abdominal bruise that appeared one morning and that I was briefly convinced was a sign I was packing up from the inside. This was about a month ago. In retrospect I think I’d probably stumbled into something while drunk the night before.

  2. I managed to leave a spoon in my blender while making a smoothie on Sunday and didn’t realise what the machine was complaining about initially. I drank a little of the smoothie before discovering the scratched spoon within. Have been convinced at times in the days since that I could feel tiny shards of metal cutting through my stomach lining. And to be fair this one might still kill me.

Have had to order a new Breville Blendactive too.

Please don’t ignore the massive caveat. I don’t want to read about genuinely disturbing stuff. Not on a Tuesday.

tedium of existence

Come stay with me for the weekend.

That should finish you off.

best offer i’ll get this morning


When I was a kid I asked my mum what would happen if I drank the water from the Roman baths in bath, she said I would die. Drank some in the name of science, still alive


Got a few weird-looking moles and every time I notice them I convince myself I’m days away from death.

So far; not dead.

Is that the kind of thing you’re after?

I had a little mole, one day it started bleeding so much my clothes were caked in blood, don’t know what caused it but stopped eventually, worried that if it happened again in my sleep or something I would bleed to death. Probably should have gone to the doctor there

I swallowed chewing gum once. It may still be in my system, but it hasn’t killed me yet.


Welcome friend.

You didn’t go to the doctor and you’re still alive.

A lesson for us all, I think.


What a triumphant tale!

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Currently have a slightly numb right toe. Been that way for a week or two now. Occasionally wonder if this is the start of some Stephen Hawking type thing (that I have a degenerative disease, not that I’m becoming a genius astrophysicist.)

On the plus side, when I was driving myself mad over health fears before Christmas (general aches and pains), I finally signed up to a GP and got some blood tests done, which they never updated me about so I assume they were fine.

Disconcerting when they don’t get back to you, isn’t it?

But yeah, you can probably assume they were fine.


I’m not clicking on that shit.

I have just the right levels of hypochondria to make that a perpetual nightmare.

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I was gonna saw aww kissing bug too

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