Things you used to believe when you were a kid

we also called it eggy bread, and only ever had it with marmite on. As an adult realising some people put sugar on it is very odd

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I believed that David Blaine could legitimately levitate. I remember earnestly explaining to my parents that he could have evolved the power to do it, and that they shouldn’t be so sceptical.

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Eggy bread in my family too @jazzballet

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pirate videos were smuggled in by pirates on the high seas

that my dad used to play professional football until he was banned for swearing at a referee

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For ages I thought it was ‘stockage time’. Like they stocked it up throughout the half. Still kind of think it’s better.

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Thought ‘deuce’ in tennis scoring was when they were allowed to have a juice break. I also didn’t understand tennis scoring at all.

When we played it at school the teacher would sometimes watch us and shout scores. No one had any idea who was winning and we frequently stopped to mime taking a swig of juice

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My mum told me that the end of my dick would fall off if I pulled back my foreskin too far

I also thought deuce was juice. Never got what love was all about. Still don’t. Neither do Foreigner it seems.

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baby don’t hurt me… no more

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Still the best number 9 I’ve ever seen, quite honestly. Perhaps van Basten runs him fairly close.

Related:

When people talked about “god”, I used to hear “guard”. What I pictured was one of those Thomas the Tank Engine guards stood in the middle of a field of clouds.

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genuinely used to think that you just had to write the name of a film on a recordable VHS’s label and the film would appear on the tape, didn’t realise you had to record them off the tv.

22 years old i was.

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my dad also wrestled in the wwf

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Explains why he ended up changing it to CG

love this shirt

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Dinosaurs were going to have a resurgence à la billy and the cloneasaurus, and that raptors would come and get me in my bed (but I would be safe if I slept completely under the covers, because I would be both invisible and protected.)

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Our head teacher was always banging on about everyone having “dragons” inside them that they needed to “conquer”. I always had a mental image of there being a little dragon in someones tummy getting squashed by loads of shiny brown conkers.

I didn’t believe it literally of course, I just thought WTF is this lady talking about?

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When I was 12 or so I was convinced I could get our computer on to the internet if I persevered fiddling round with Windows and all the free software it came with for long enough. I knew that everyone I knew who had the internet had signed up and paid for it, but look, all the icons are RIGHT THERE, surely it must be possible.

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The onset of puberty does crazy things to a young mans mind. “must…get…porn!!!”

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