Things you were told never to do


#1

and haven’t done. Like a sheep. Baaaaaa.


#2

I’ve never done a sheep


#3

Drugs. Well, the majority of them.


#4

And I’ve never skipped a level crossing.


#5

use the toilet after my mum had cleaned it with domestos


#6

In primary one I dropped my pencil and it rolled to underneath where a girl was standing. I crawled over to pick it up.

I was immediately hauled to my feet and screamed at to never, EVER do that again, EVER!

Took me years to realise the teacher thought I was looking to the girl’s skirt.


#7

Touched an exhaust pipe


#8

NEVER EVER DROP A PENCIL AGAIN YOU PRICK!!!


#9

Who told you? Your dad?

“son, promise me you’ll never slip your length into a sheep”


#10

*looking up. Christ.


#11

And hence the name pencil dick stuck for life.


#12

were you there???


#13

Stick my fingers in a plug socket.
Run with scissors.


#14

Real potential for a My Cousin Vinny-style mistaken confession in the head teacher’s office in this scenario.


#15

see also, don’t touch anything elctrical with wet hands