Things you're convinced you're better at when drunk/stoned (whether you actually are or not)



Let’s not get maudlin in here. Keep it light.

I become a FIFA god when baked. Fo sho.

(Though it might be difficult to prove).


Speaking to people.



I become Paul Newman in The Hustler after 3 pints.


trivia quizzes

I think I lose inhibition and willing to blurt anything out which sometimes works.


I was thinking that meant you could eat 50 boiled eggs but that’s the wrong film.




spending more money


I’m pretty sure there’s an optimum drunk/stoned level where I’m better at everything. If I could be permanently on about 4 beers, a whisky and a small joint I’d be kicking life’s arse. The trouble comes if I go any further than that, when I become no use to anybody. Which is of course the only thing I want to do at that point.


Pool is definitely a sport with a drinking sweet spot. Pretty sure I’ve never lost a game during my 3rd pint, and never won one after 4



Being hilarious
Chopping onions


The sex (if I wasn’t a virgin)


Playing guitar needs between one and two beers but then falls off an incredibly steep cliffedge


When stoned: brushing my teeth. Become transfixed by it all


Aw man. We should start some sort of association for this.

Perhaps a super league.

I am a stone-cold genius at brushing my teeth when baked. I incorporate all kinds of syncopation in there too. I’m like Stewart Copeland on my (g)nashers.


There’s a very narrow window (roughly between two and three pints) when i’m alright at speaking to The Women.


^^^ always posts on here half-cut.



Used to play football, then half-way through everyone would get pleasantly baked, at which point I always turned into Zinedine Zidane. #truefact


fifa and IRL kick ups. I boss them when mortal on the herb.