Things you're invited to that you're never, ever going to attend

University of St Andrews alumni events.

Somewhere with a 70s glam rock dress code

Everything ever, pretty much


Your own fault for signing up to the mailing list, tbqfh.

The office landlord’s halloween party,

bloke i worked with 6+ years ago for a month (before he got fired) has twice in the last month invited me on facebook to a comedy event in sweden

absolutely fo,m

anything with the word ‘Flashmob’ anywhere near it



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Wine and cheese night with Lucien and Balonz.

Isle of Wight randonnee

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Weddings of people I barely know.

Works Christmas do. Ordinarily I’d expect that once in a blue moon I might forget what a bad idea they are and opt in, but seeing as I’ve hopefully only got 4-8 more chances to make that mistake I’m pretty confident I will never again have to wear a cracker hat whilst eating a cold roast next to a colleague who I don’t know.

A non-compulsory breakfast seminar.


and a second vote for university alumnus events. Even I had loads of spare cash to give them I wouldn’t. Not unless they’d let me rename the college for it.

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unless it’s actually a seminar all about breakfasts, presumably?

A gig happening in Norwich. Good line up, but it’s in Norwich.

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I get invitations to Queen Mary University, London ones too. I did a three month course there that was essentially my employer paying them £5k to exempt me from a bunch of professional exams. 100% pass rate.

There was a graduation and everything. Didn’t go, obviously.

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