Think I may have constipation for the first time ever

Have a beer. It always gets me moving. If ever I’m out on a drinking sesh I have to insist on the first place we go being somewhere with decent toilets as I just know halfway into the first pint I’ll get the urge.

You can’t stay home if you’re constipated.

This is giving me the urge to poop!

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You’re not the boss of me.

You need to eat something from a can

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*on the

Both are grim but constipation is preferable. Diarrhoea isn’t just a bit of a runny poo after a dodgy takeaway, diarrhoea is “JFC I’m literally pissing out of my arsehole and I can’t be more than 10 steps from a toilet”.

Best way to cure constipation for me:

  1. coffee, black strong
  2. have a walk
  3. do a squat on your toilet, get your knees up to your chest

username/post interface…


That was some hot pork trauma I’ll have you know.

What a thread


I had to take codeine for back pain once and I was unaware that one of the side effects was constipation. Trying to take a dump whilst constipated with back pain is one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced.

Thing is, I ended up taking loads of Senokot which had me pissing out of my arsehole eventually, so with constipation you’re getting the worst of both worlds.

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looks like Theo is no longer the only pub shitter!

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Take a load of MDMA. You’ll be shitting in no time.

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you’re thinking of sudoku

A few seconds of diarrhea is so much worse than a few weeks of constipation. And I’ve had both

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Just in light of this post. I regularly go weeks without pooing and it’s fine…so maybe I don’t know what true constipation feels like

Can we get a written statement from a doctor on that please


That it happens or that’s it’s fine?

I’ve never seen a doctor for it.

To who it may concern,

I can confirm my patient Wanton is full of shit on a regular basis

Dr. Assman