i think about this stuff a lot, partly because of being drawn to morbid thoughts and partly because i’m incredibly narcissistic.
i’d like to be euthanised on my 65th birthday. i see absolutely no benefit to me personally living past my sell-by date, would much rather have an end date to work towards. i’ll pay for/plan for my funeral in advance and have a big party before i go to Switzerland and get zapped.
i want Time To Pretend by MGMT and Your Life In The End by Prince Rama to be played at the funeral and if there are fewer than 100 people there then i’m going to haunt everyone for eternity. my sole aim in life is to have a sell-out funeral. i want everyone to dress up fashionably for the occasion and my bezzie mates to be in the front row. ideally they would break out into an impromptu rendition of It Wasn’t Me but think that might be a bit hopeful.
i’d like to be cremated and my ashes be mixed with biodegradable glitter. have a wee bit thrown in Sarajevo, a bit in Tonbridge Castle, a bit at the Angels’ ground and a bit in North Hykeham. the rest can be kept in an urn painted like a peacock feather and i’ll haunt my brother every time he uses a racist slur for ‘banter’.