Thread for cataloguing times you've messed up delivering a joke

My really really funny jokes are often spoilt by me accidentally messing up the delivery, or forgetting the punchline, or sometimes just not being really really funny in the first place, and actually being quite unfunny.

I was speaking in a meeting just now and decided to throw in some humour to help people get through Hump Day, but I had to say the word “an” followed by another word beginning with “an”, and it got me a bit tongue-twisted and the result was just a smirk from colleagues, rather than the roars of laughter it would presumably generate usually.

Please use this thread to mention times where you’ve embarrassed yourself in this way.

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this never happens to me, so i don’t know why i opened this thrad.

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when i mispelled this

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What was the joke?

https://community.drownedinsound.com/t/i-was-born-in-mansfield/55650/4

Said drownedinsoind.

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When I poked fun of a colleague. More of a really funny thing that was said, rather than a joke

Jesus Christ

that’s a high level job, hope it pays well

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Every joke I have e er attempted to tell.

Sometimes on tours I’ll have a group that just crack up at every little joke I make, then I’ll do one the next week and I won’t even get a smirk.

Really hard to carry on performing for two hours when it’s stony faces. Obviously all those people are wrong and the ones who laugh are right.

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I don’t wake up until 9!

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@sadpunk

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Took me about 8 takes to say a Spanish town name on a cycling podcast last night that by the time I nailed it, I forgot what the joke actually was, so then laughed to myself about how silly the situation was.

Here is an example of a time I found my own joke so funny I couldn’t actually say the joke

I was working a weekend shift so the rest of the building apart from my department was empty. My colleague went to get a coffee from the machine and noticed that there was a giant teddy sat at one of the desks out there. I went out to have a look - sure enough, there’s a massive 4ft teddy bear sat in a desk chair. Weekend shifts can get a bit silly anyway, and we were quite amused by the bear and were coming up with ideas of what to do with it. Colleague suggested kidnapping it, and I had the thought of cutting off its fingers and sending a ransom note, except by that point I was laughing so much I could only mime scissors cutting off my fingers.

When I eventually managed to get the words out, my colleague was like “… err yeah I just meant take it on a nice holiday and send photos of it in different locations…”

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Every time I tell someone the cricket-playing horse joke I have to go back and correct myself at least twice along the way.