I’m a bit freaked out by health at the moment.
Ages ago I had what I thought was a persistent kind of soreness, like an ache or a pulled muscle, on my ribs under my arms, but it went away, and it was never very present, so that I couldn’t say for sure it was happening like now, I was just dimly aware of it when I wasn’t distracted. I wondered if it might be deoderant or something and changed what I used, but it didn’t seem linked. Eventually it went away. Then a few days back, it came back, and now it’s sort of migrated to my back, under my shoulder blades. The problem is, I’m constantly tense, I’m always like trying to stretch, prod, push, to try and prove to myself if it’s real or not. And when I do that, which I constantly do, I find things everywhere, like my arm is sore if I press a certain bit, or my calf, or my knee or my neck. And I try and tell myself it’s probably just because I have a really low level cold or something, or aches and pains from running last week, but in my head - and this is really stupid - I’m worried it’s properly serious, like C-word serious, like when I thought I found a bollocks lump 8 years ago and I got it checked out but they couldn’t find anything but I never stopped being paranoid about it. And I know it’s just because my mother in law passed away this year and in it’s in my head and the chances are ridiculously small and I’m being a hypochondriac and it’s probably my reaction to the stress of imminently becoming a dad, but I keep thinking what if something is really wrong and I leave a wife and baby and oh fuck it’s the most terrifying thing in the world. And I know the answer is just to go to the doctor but I’m not even registered and what do I even say? I have non-specific vague almost non-existent pains in areas where I restlessly flex and tense and prod all the fucking time? What kind of test can you even do for that?
I know this sounds stupid but I had to get it off my chest somehow, I don’t feel like I can properly talk to Mrs HYG about it because I can’t dump this stress and thoughts of terminal illness onto her what with everything going on.