Thursday filth thread

If I made porn, it’d be a kind of postmodern mockumentary about the making of a porn parody of Citizen Kane

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JERETHIAN CHOEP-WALKER: good day shopkeep.

SHOPKEEP: morning guv

J C-W: yes a fine day. I am a collector of fine cards from around the globe and I was wondering perhap if your emporium stocked any cards that may be of interest

SHOPKEEP: are you after the five quid porn card?

J C-W: not specifically sir, I am a collector of many such cards and would love to peruse your selection of cards, good honest purveyor

SHOPKEEP: um … ok, I’ll fetch some cards from the back if you’re not interested in the



Reckon if there was a porn block in this country there would be riots on pretty sure every street corner,

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Sexy maintenance person turns up in the sexy office to fix the sexy photocopier, waits around for a bit for the sexy office manager to arrive and then leaves without fiddling with any knobs or unwrapping any tools.

Same thing happens in scene two, but there are more people in the sexy office waiting for the sexy manager. Nobody has sex or fixes a photocopier and the sexy maintenance person leaves unsatisfied.

I think it’s called Waiting for Good Blow(jobs).


Had a sexy dream about ccb once. I hope he doesn’t mind.


Grumble grumble not sure about that Corbyn grumble grumble want everything for free and that business grumble grumble what about enterprise grumble whatever my opinion of brexit is

“ayo I’m fuckin that porn blocker off lads”

Labour landslide

Socialist utopia

Nationalised vaseline


Can’t imagine how good it’d be to know someone has had a sex dream about you.


misread this as “how it would be good to know” and was about to like the post in agreement, then i realised it was the opposite.

i reckon knowing someone has had a sex dream about you is one of those things that sounds good in theory, but is probably extremely creepy in reality (unless it’s someone you actually want to/do have sex with).

I think it would be nice, wouldn’t necessarily mean they fancy you or would want to act on it but I would treat it like any other compliment

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I’d be coasting on that low level confidence high for a good fortnight


Moonwalking/high-fiving would definitely be on the agenda


I don’t really want sex compliments from most people!

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i’ve been told once or twice and i felt like a massive stud, naturally.

i bet dream me is a better shag than real me

Tory’s are such a bunch of fucking weirdos.

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The new emojis on here are rubbish but I did actually blush when I read this!

Of course I don’t mind, I’m flattered (assuming I wasn’t a massive disappointment)

I’ve not met any of you, so it would be pretty hard to have a dream where you are there. But rest assured if I do…then you are cordially invited to a massive bacchanalian orgy in my head.

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And the old and technologically illiterate. So Tories basically. Ideally they’d put the porn block in just before a second referendum so all the young tech savvy remainers can campaign on a, “vote remain and we’ll show you how to get back on the bongo sites” platform. Remain landslide/socialist utopia/nationalised vaseline etc.


Never heard it called that before


The Hays code was deeply weird, wasn’t it? Iirc, it included no tongues when kissing, no kisses of longer than three(?) seconds, no outright innuendo, and if a couple were in bed, one of them had to have a foot on the floor (which is also the rule for a foul stroke in snooker, oddly enough).