What fresh hell is this
@colon_closed_bracket did this via the floor this morning.
Get to absolute fuck.
Would feel deeply patronised by this.
The jokes where people act like they are interpreting the word “tip” as “a piece of advice” as opposed to “a bit of money for a service” are always very good in my opinion.
This is probably going to be used as an excuse in at least one office to do away with actual bonuses. For fuck’s sake.
We have something like this. It’s a bit weird but it’s also quite nice to get extra free money (there will obviously be long term negative connotations and it shouldn’t exist)
Peer-to-peer micro-bonuses on a human face forever
These can fuck off too imo.
- Tip your colleagues
- Trip your colleagues
If I could structure my wage in any way I reckon I’d go for 10 months of reduced pay and 2 bonus months (November and May, maybe) because I’m a financially irresponsible baby who needs my employer to do things for me
In practice it means getting to the last day of the month, realising you have some of these things to give out and just sending them to the most recent non-dickhead to send you an email
Profit share distributed evenly throughout the company =
Weird opaque “management incentives” =
Can you reframe this as a Drake meme please
Serves you all right for working in the private sector
Spanish workers get 2 payments of double their salary in the summer and at Christmas. Works out okay for me because I’m paid quite well for the hours I work at a school, but it’s a stupid idea really, designed to stimulate the economy at those times while giving employers the excuse to pay workers less throughout the year
Here’s a tip, stop fucking coughing you cunt
Private sector is so weird
Mostly hate them because I can’t deal with the tightest man alive complaining that he’s going to miss £200 off a £10k bonus every year because of objectives being set “unfairly” or whatever moan it is this year. Cry me a fucking river.
We have a system of min-bribery that works quite well. I bring in cakes and sweets for the receptionists who book the boardrooms, and they always give me the best rooms for meetings. I get Christmas presents for the catering staff and they give me the biscuits that are only supposed to go to client meeting rooms.
Not sure how comfy I’d feel slipping them cold hard cash though.